Tuesday, October 28, 2008
4:47 AM
life ain't fair. some work hard and deserve what they have worked hard for. but some simply dont. i dont wanna name names, but i have one in mind already. but, i guess its not for me to decide whats fair and whats not. i believe that god will reward me in the way he deems fit. im not in any position to question.

having a friggin headache. the stress im facing is immense. just that i dont show. cuz i dont think the people around me should suffer with me. i mean afterall they are safely promoted. i dont just want to promote, although thats my priority now. i want to do well, i dont just want to scrape through this re-exam. im sick of disappointing the people whom i love. im sick of disappointing myself. still have friggin pw and mt. and i want to do well in both as well. i dont want to let my pw mates down. im too sure if i can juggle all of these well. not to mention i have to settle chiangmai stuff, i have to train uber hard for ubin and nationals, cuz i have my own expectations to meet. i want to do my team proud, ive been skipping more than enough trainings. i dont want to disappoint ms ng, who has been the greatest teacher cum friend i ever had, and my team. i want to do them proud, do myself proud for once. with so many things in my hands, i really need a shoulder to cry on. thank you, pillow. for aways being there. a million thanks to the person who invented tissue paper. im afraid to cry in front of others, cuz they do not feel the way i feel. i dont want to be a crybaby in people's eyes. i wanna be strong. i know i am. all these shit will come to an end. cuz i had enough.

okie. on a lighter note, i went to penang to destress. it did help a little. eat, shop, sleep. fantastic life. but i was pretty stressed thinking of what to get for my mum. haha. cuz i dont want her to nag and besides, she deservesa little something for all the years she has raised me up. on my first day there, this friendly old ang moh man gave a me shell its really pretty and huge. i guess he caught me staring at it, so he willingly decided to give me the shell. haha. it kinda made my day, until when i brought it back to the hotel room, my auntie started sayng how the man could have put some sort of poison inside to kill me. look what china did to the world, seriously! its just a shell! and why would the old man want to do that! im pretty sure he has better things to do. great food, but a pity that the trip was so short. i need a longer break. away from this small stressful city. i miss my trip to east timor and aceh. where although the place was crappy, i had the time of my life and i was genuinely happy.

shit. im suppose to be studying. have plenty to complete tonight and even if that means sacrificing my sleep, i will do it. im going do things right this time. i know what my priorities are, and im going to stick to it, till the end of a's. i dont want to be a loser anymore, i meant, i dont want to be at the losing end anymore.

i believe i can
i believe i will
i believe our hopes and dream are real
that is why i do believe





knowing that at the end of it all
to catch me when i fall
comforts me
About
HELLO EARTHLINGS! DENISE LOVES YOU. THATS ALL YOU HAVE TO KNOW :)
Tagboard

Credits
Layout: tuesdaynight
Resources: 1 2