Monday, November 24, 2008
7:45 AMThat don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do
It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
this song totally speaks how i feel. it's not easy. even with everyone's "its gonna be okie", its not. well, not anytime soon. im really upset that you gave up. just leaves me wondering why. but i know its all beyond my control. i know i tried, my hardest. and this is what i get for putting in effort in a relationship. for the other half to give up on me. i accept your apology, but just to let you know, you hurt me real deep. im not gonna get up from this fall so easily, and you're not doing anything to make this giving up shit any easier. okie. i shall stop emoing before someone cries while reading my blog.
anyway. im promoted. wow. yay. whatever. cuz im not happy.
xuan is so cute, thats just a nicer way to say she is retarded. thanks for the ice cream. i self declare that thats your treat for me. haa. yes soon, convey the message. and soon, thanks, alot. i dont know what i would do without you. AHHHH!
trainings are getting more and more intense. i think. but im not feeling the tiredness, yet. in fact the busier i am, the better. the old rationale that keeping yourself occupied owuld like prevent you fron thinking too much. in a way, its true to a CERTAIN extent. cuz im a person who thinks more than i should. so whetehr im busy or not, it does not really matter, cuz i still think of stuff that i shouldnt be thinking of. i know one day i'll get over it, but i really wanna know when. cuz its getting harder and harder to sleep every night and i dont know how to cry without my mum knowing. cuz i dont want her to worry. so in a way, im a two faced freak. im happy and bubbly in the day, around people. but when the night falls, haa. thats when shit happens and the emo side of me emerges. haa, like i can control it. i know i will have to move on someday, find someone better, blah blah blah. so much more i wanna say. but i guess i should keep my mouth shut before YOU, find me annoying. dont pity me my friends. im FINE, at least i will be.
and to YOU, YOU are still someone really important/special/blah blah to me, deep down in my heart. i know i dont have the right to hope that you treat me the same. so i'll end here.
double sigh.
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HELLO EARTHLINGS!
DENISE LOVES YOU.
THATS ALL YOU HAVE TO KNOW :)
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