i dont like it when people say im emo. so far, life taught me a great deal. and instead of brooding over it. i should learn from all these life lessons. whether good or bad, happy or sad. just take it in my stride. and be happy for those around me and most importantly, myself. its time i actually do something for myself and stop living the expectation of others. cuz stupidly, nobody had expectations of me, they all just want me to be me. all good things will eventually come to an end, and i know its a reality i have to accept. so fuck it yea. its time to back off and for once, worry bout myself. thanks, for letting me know it, the hard way. shit happens.

wild child today and freddie was HOT with an exclaimation mark! i swear he is. i get so excited whenever he enters the sceen. HOT STUFF MAN! a zillion thanks to the person who watched such a typical chick flick with me. i really needed that company. 

as tiring training can be, i feel weird without a day of training. i really do. i missed training today due to issues with my mummy. i mean i wont be as crazy as jq to train so damn bloody hard. even if i were to, i need to build up my endurance and actually push myself. i get demoralised real easily. seeing myself being overtaken by the rest just makes me what to stop paddling at that instant. but i know they worked hard to achieve that and i should to. its wonderful how trainings can get my mind off certain things and allows me focus. :)

okie. damn, stop forcing me to eat. im extremely full. im about to explode. talking bout eating. my appetite has changed. im not eating as much as before. well, i cant. anyway, its a really great thing. i can lose weight. cuz just like i was rattling to val and yy, i put on weight ever since jc. i never used to weigh more than 45 kg. now things have definitely changed. haha. 

im in desperate need of a holiday. although theres lots to settle, but i dont give a shit. my brains on the verge of exploding.