right now, im doing okie. not fantastic but okie. not looking forward to the new year. but i know there is no escape. i have to face a levels. i have to face nationals. and im tired of doing just borderline. so, im gonna try my best. and i gotta find a motivation. because currently, im just living each day just because i have to. im not looking forward to anything. at all.

im extremely tired recently. getting the stuff for the house is a huge hassle and it tires me out. i dont have to do it actually but i feel that i should. cuz its my house and i want to be there for my mum cuz she is much more stressed out than i am. seeing her so tired and unwell just pains my heart. i so want her to rest but she cant cuz theres really alot to do. plus, the both of us are extremely picky. so we rather travel around and hunt for the best deals. i hate the fact that everything revolves around money. anyway, that alone tires me out. i usually self medicate but i went to the doctors yesterday. spent 50 bucks. dont ask me why. sigh. i think the medication is made of gold. big headache but still looking forward to tonight. 

i dont wanna grow up.