Sunday, January 18, 2009
6:26 AM
suppose to be studying. suppose to be packing. but my mind is not focused. on anything. i need to scream. i need to cry. i need to let everything out. bottling everything up suffocates me. i cant breathe, not literally. things at home have gone wrong. i didnt do anything to deserve this. i tried to help and be understanding but instead. anything that goes wrong, i take the blame for it. i miss my brother like crazy. in times like these, he gives me a reason to laugh, to smile. ever since that dreadful day, i cannot rely on anyone else. cuz they are not close enough. why must everything be taken away from me just like that. whatever im feeling is hard to put it all down into words. cuz nobody can ever understand the hurt im going through. it saddens me even more cuz you dont give a fuk about me anymore. im done with trying. try so hard for what. i really hate myself for feeling this way. it takes a major concussion for me to forget all that has happened the past year. to hell with these feelings. 

studies, family, friends, canoeing, **. i know everyone is going through about the same thing as me. but i guess im not one who can handle my emotions very well. especially if im alone. im able to put up a strong front when with my friends and all. but i'll just succumb to my tear glands when night falls and when im all alone. gosh, i sound like some emo freak. i want sarah now. i want drusilla now. i want ** now!!!! 

give me back those happy days.
im not feeling okie. 

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HELLO EARTHLINGS! DENISE LOVES YOU. THATS ALL YOU HAVE TO KNOW :)
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