song that has been stuck in my head for days, broken strings. but listening io it just automatically brought tears to my eyes. i dont know why. i dont wanna know why. i dont wanna think why. just wiping it away and im done. :) 

im gonna be a lonely child this weekend. my mummy is in langkawi. my bro ain't booking out this weekend. i wonder what will happen of me. if i can find the keys of the new house, i'll seek refuge there. 

its hard to make anyone understand why im hurting so much. no intention to share. right now, im doing my best to put it all aside, it was over eons ago. it was something i had to do. i know it. im sorry. im so so sorry. the person i hurt will never read this. never, but at least i dedicate this portion to you. i loved you and i still do. fuck, it hurts so much. all this time ive been sweeping this matter under carpet, pretending it never happen but it did. i thought i wouldnt need you and i can handle the pain alone. but its too much for me to bear. too much. i dont deserve this. i should be happy now. friends who read this, dont make wild guesses and i will be fine. and please dont ask me anything concerning this post. 

okie. happy thoughts. wait none. how suay can i be. srgce replacement trip is to ho chi minh and i cant go. cuz of national juniors. and my family is going to ho chi minh too. but my mummy decided not to go cuz we really got to tighten our belts this year. :( so things aren't exactly going the way i want them to. in fact, they are far from what i expected. my happiness is short-lived and temporary. but im not going to give up. ive come so bloody far to give up. i just going to give my best in everything i do. be it studies or canoeing. his ways are higher than mine. confident that he has BIG PLANS for me at the end of it. 

nana, thanks for being so awesome as usual.