life is like a donut

2009-05-28T08:05:00.000-07:00

something has gone utterly wrong with lj. and me being a noob at tech stuff is not going to bother about it. so i shall just stick to blogger. oh, im such a idiot! i hate the internet and i guess the internet hates me as well. screw that. mids are OFFICIALLY over for me. dont bother asking how was chemistry. two words, dreadful and painful. someone please remind me why on earth did i take chemistry. URGGGHH!! hate it.

went on a shopping adventure before my mids officially ended. :) did not buy much, but nonetheless, im extremely satisfied with my buys. i bought a friggin dress for $5!! the thrill of purchasing stuff at dirt cheap prices just makes my day. okie, so the dress is not drop dead gorgeous, but at least its presentable! im regretting now that i did not buy more. but its okie. denise chia here is going bangkok baby! WHOOO! so screw gss and HELLO BANGKOK! :)

i miss angoose for some weird reasons. and thinking of angoose reminds me of fairy. fairy reminds me of sally and sally reminds my of alph. so technically im missing all of them although i just saw them yesterday and im seeing them tomorrow. :) im missing sherlene, who reminds me of jq and jq reminds me of ms ng and ms ng reminds me of val and val reminds me of yy! okie. holidays. loads of catch up to do. and even more shitloads of revision. i can afford to screw this mids. but i cant afford to screw my prelims.

ive watched 3 movies today. MOVIE MARATHON with me, myself and i. :) 17 again, ghosts of girlfriends past and aladdin! a perfect way to spend my day!

happy birthday may babies. theres alot of you. so its a happy month. july will be happier! WHOO!

2009-05-18T08:28:00.003-07:00

no idea why i moved but im happy there so...

shimmyrednails.lj.com

dont ask about the name. just dont. haha.

2009-05-14T05:50:00.000-07:00

denise will be moving. or rather moved.

now using livejournal. so not use to it. but wanna start afresh! okie, thats just a excuse.

had fun round bali today! HAAA! :)

2009-05-13T07:00:00.000-07:00

things will never go back to the way it used to be. we all failed to see the devil in you when it was staring and mocking us in the face.

im exhausted. im drained. was reminded of my time in aceh and east timor last night. the simplicity of the lifestyle. just make me think why is it so hard to be satisfied, im not even talking about happy, in singapore. when the kids there get so excited over stickers that are worthless in my sight. i guess its not right to compare. but i love the simple life there. the hectic lifestyle here, i cannot take. its killing me and chewing me up. i emphasize once again, i dont know why im working so hard for. someone, please enlighten me.

i think my plan for tomorrow is awesome. :) i dont expect great results from mid. wont be surprised if i fail. but watch out, i will shock each and everyone of you in my a level results, in a good way of course. i will press on and continue to work hard. i love my new hang out although alphy hates it. i really find it conducive and not to mention convenient. BUT, im keeping my fingers crossed that i do not spend so much tomorrow. i will control my appetite and my tendency to buy redundant stuff. i need to SAVE SAVE SAVE!

ALL THE BEST ONE AND ALL FOR MIDS! LOVE YOU MUGGING MONSTERS! <3

shimmyrednails

2009-05-12T05:56:00.000-07:00

had a really short nap and my really quick dinner and a cold bath. gathered my thoughts. and i guess i was a little too much and too hyped up about the whole damn situation. no doubt im angry, but i guess i could have expressed it in a more mature and elegant way. haha. not deleting the previous post to deny everything but to clarify. i dont hate you. i just dont give a damn about you anymore. i wish you would stop your junvenile ways. but im sure its near impossible that you would turn over a new leaf. then again, none of us would trust you ever again. wake up your idea, please! stop hurting others for your happiness. love you, no more.

&%@$#(!&!#@%&@#($)^@^@$% RAHHHHHHHHHH!!!

exhuasted tuesday.

anyway, im sorry mr awesome. dont be petty. :)

2009-05-12T03:35:00.000-07:00

i found my eyecandy in school and his name is 'tom'. for now, till i find a better name. :)

hypocrites. i wonder why they are even given the chance to breathe. they ought to shot, drowned in the ganges river, choked to death or better yet, tortured. think im sadist, well the tales that x tells is even worst cuz we're talking about emotional hurt. being sadist is just physical pain that would probably end when you breathe your last. but when in comes to matters of the heart, its hard to say man. okie, probably im not in the position to judge. but who gives a shit, im human and i judge. love me, hate me, but yes i judge when i think that person deserves to be judged. no seriously, wtf you think you are trying to mess up the lives and the relationships of others. if you wanna screw yours then by all means, go ahead. i dont give a f* about you. but you hurt my friends and step on my toes, that's just the final straw. dont god's gift to get attention, cuz only fools will for for it. sad to say, SAAAD were the fools that fell for your facade. filled with disappointment, anger and pity. wonder why you stoop so low just to achieve such minute achievements, cuz darling, at the end of the day, you have nobody. the way you insult everyone, who will trust you. and in an relationship, whether platonic or erotic, will require trust. so please go sign up for some 'how to be honest and a trustworthy person' lesson or something. cuz it just might come in handy. words cant express my heartfelt words. im utterly shocked by your actions. you deserve the name queen bitch. even that i feel is a understatement. really thought it was impossible for someone to be so unscrupulous and so low. to all you idiots out there who think im being the bigger bitch. shut up and get your facts right! OMG! the very mention of her name just makes my blood boil. URGGGGHHHHH!

im spending money like water. i think water is a bad metaphor. moral of the story, IM SPENDING MONEY LIKE CRAZY! i think i have a disorder. :(

you cant read her poker face.

2009-05-11T06:42:00.001-07:00

TODAY IS DECLARED THE SUAY-EST DAY EVER! FAIRY AND SALI CAN VOUCH FOR IT! WE DECIDED TO GO TO THE ULU PANDAN CAFE BUT DAMN, IT ONLY OPENED AT 3 PM. SO WE DECIDED TO HEAD BACK TO OUR MEETING POINT, KOVAN. AND SETTLE DOWN AT MCDONALDS. BUT DAMN, IT WAS LUNCHTIME SO IT WAS FRIGGIN CROWDED. SO WE TOOK OUR CHANCES AND CROSSED THE ROAD TO WHITE TANGERINE CAFE. BUT WTF, ITS CLOSED ON MONDAYS. SO WE HEADED BACK TO MCDONALDS. AND BLOODY HELL OUR SEAT WAS TAKEN!! AND UNCLE ALPH ONLY ARRIVED AT 4-ISH WHEN WE WERE SUPPOSE TO MEET AT 1130! WHERES YOUR SENSE OF TIMING ALPH! the rest of the day was productive cuz we found the perfect place to study. im so gonna go back there and study again. :) i bought a couple of new stuff today. a super cheap watch that we all predict would stop ticking by tomorrow. and a top that would make us look like triplets. refuse to let fairy and sali look like DOUBLETS as my intelligent sali puts it. overall, GREAT DAY! :)

BOUGHT A AWESOME DRESS ONLINE = MONEY FLY AWAY!!!!!!! :( but i guess its worth it lah. really like it. but i dont know when i would ever wear it.

momo is dying. :( chace is icu. :( they are plants by the way. not pets or human. haha.

KARA AND RANDY'S GETTING MARRIED ON THE 11TH OF JULY!!! cant wait for a wedding of my own which is not anytime soon.

now or never.

2009-05-09T10:23:00.000-07:00

timecheck- 1:23 AM (nice time)

im still wide awake. brains asleep, body still functioning. my body clock is totally screwed beyond repair. anyways, had a really good chat with the boy who speaks duckish. made the start of 10th of may a good one. one thing for sure, HE WONT WAKE UP AT 3 AM!!! but who knows, miracles might happen. wait, im starting to get sleepy. i might sleep earlier than expected! :) oh yah, i really got to thank someone for being simply the best i ever had, not in THAT kinda way though. without you, i dont know who else to whine to. i love you, awesome tan. AHHHH! the joy of having friends.

got my day set out tomorrow. baking at soon's. studying with fairy and sali. dinner with ah bu. sleep. :)

snacked alot today. the calories i lost over pe and friday is gained in just a span of a few minutes! the power of chips and chocolate.

blame me for being naive.

2009-05-09T01:25:00.000-07:00

im extremely unfocused today. collated my messy notes online but i consider that as redundant work cuz i didnt even read them. sigh. im really sick and tired of trying. i wont say im trying damn bloody hard. fact is, im far from mugging and chioging. im just really tired of all these studying. cuz i dont know what im doing it for. no goals, no aim, nothing. time i sat down and think wha i wanna do and be. enough of procrastination. like some wise woman said, ts time i pull up my socks and prove others wrong. but i guess i gotta start with myself. prove to me that i can actually succeed. ahhh, whatever. study lah.

before i burn my brains. my mum started talking to her plants today. i guess its a sign of old age. haha. so with whatever was left of my sanity, i joined her. i starting naming them! the one outside the house is momo. the one in the living room is chace. the one in the kitchen is sky. the one is the master room is undecided for the moment. my random hunger pangs drove me to get my ass downstairs and i bought hell lots of snacks!! i bought marshmellow and started bbq-ing it by the stove. haha. the dumb things i do sometimes makes me wonder if im normal. haha. i cant wait for dinner cuz we're having my all-time favourite cheesy potato!! okie like what the hell is that right. okie its a family thing and i came up with the name when i was in primary school and it has been the same ever since. haha. only a few friends have tried it and they all say its awesome!! and i love it. even the word awesome seems to be an understatement to me. i cant wait for mids to be over cuz im going to throw a awesome party. not because its at my place but its cuz of the awesome company! i hope the party would not fail on me though. have never exactly thrown a party before. and also, im crossing my fingers that the k5 and niang would be able to go on a short holiday. location is set but date and further confirmation is not made. plus, there will be canoe camp. with soon as the planner, im rest assured that it would be nothing but fantastic. she's good at all the crap. im just good at being there, i guess. haha. not forgetting, much more mugging when all these are over :(

sudden realisation that im going to run 42 km in 21 days!! im so so screwed. its gonna be a long long long long walk. haha.

im starting with the man i the mirror.

2009-05-08T06:02:00.000-07:00

the epitome of glamness

hottie 1

hottie 2

hottie 3

hottie 4

hottie 5

say cheeze!

my infamous self-declared after sex hairdo!

MAS IS CAUGHT! SO NOTHINGS IMPOSSIBLE! i guess.

10 MORE DAYS TO DOOMSDAY!! is it 10 more days? lost track already.

so practically everyone is chionging damn hard now. cuz mids is round the corner. i cant wait for it to be over. mye is definitely not going to be the benchmark of what im going to get for a's. i know i wont be doing that well. but does not mean im slacking now. i'll still give in my best. studying is such a pain in the ass! ARGGGH!!

so many things to whine and say but currently my mind is filled with studying and mugging.

love you. love you. LOVE YOU!

2009-05-04T06:07:00.000-07:00

having a headache ever since i slept with my wet head. i think its just psychological. but nonetheless, it still hurts and cant stop spinning. taking a break from my revision. not bad, i must say. i guess the last-minuteness in me will never go away. some say its a habit, i say its a sickness, a syndrome. im missing the ogl days, im missing trainings, im missing my tapioca cake, im missing sherlene soon shu han, im missing sally poh who is down with swine flu (not!), im missing you, you and YOU! its so evil that we cant have everything we want, and we cant have everything our way. but i guess sometimes, its blessing in disguise. good things are worth the wait. thing is, ive been waiting pretty long. dont mean to question the almighty. after the series of unfortunate events in my life, things are starting to pick up slightly. thank god for family and friends. although sometimes they are the root cause of my misery. glad ive grown out of it. it doesnt hurt as much to talk about it as it used to be one or two years ago. when i was still overly emotional and sensitive over the issue. now, i look back and learn from their mistakes. like i said, life is never a bed of roses. but its up to me whether i want to live a life of pain or a life of happiness and look at everything from a positive angle. :) omg, i talk way to much. senseless chatter.

i really know what my occupation is gonna be. hmmmm.

out of darkness into the light.

2009-05-03T08:28:00.000-07:00

attempted to study at compass heights but i should have known i was with the wrong company. with those two jokers, how to study! nonetheless, i did teeny tiny bit of work. at least i know whats going on during the 1950s, well roughly. the genius of the crew couldnt turn up today cuz she is lazy and is a monster! so instead of studying proper. we watched the re run of star awards which didnt interest me that much until some unknown good looking guy appeared. forgot his name. but seriously nothing can beat A. he hot hot hot. *FAINTS! then the planning for my costume party started. so awesome right! cant wait!! WOOHOO!! told my mum about it. she is exciting and asking me what she should cook already but kinda against the idea of the costumes. cuz she says my friends will melt from the heat and its a waste of money to rent. anyway, nothings confirmed yet but one thing for sure, there will be a party. :)

i guess sally is right. about working so hard for something i dont want that much. honestly, i dont know what i want. i guess i just dont see it now but i will, hopefully and eventually.

pictures will come soon. now i need to snooze.

dancing in the moonlight, where everything is warm and bright.

2009-05-02T08:10:00.000-07:00

painful would be the understatement of how i am feeling right now. i feel superly immobile today. everysingle movement hurts, even putting on my t shirt. gawd, that was horrible.

today can be summed up into six parts.

1/6: lunch with dad and bro

2/6: at the optician's with bro

3/6: spring cleaning with bro

4/6: studied history for a little bit before falling asleep. (totally involuntary)

5/6: dinner with cheryl. eating ice cream at cheryl's. playing with her beads from china. FUN!

6/6: home alone. :(

so tadaa. that was my day. which is pretty sad and unproductive. and OMG, i have to say this. MY FRIGGIN DEGREE SHOT UO BY 100 ON MY RIGHT. LEFT I CANT REMEMBER BUT IT SHOT UP TOO!! no wonder i feel so blind these few days. things start to get so blurry. i blamed the contacts cuz ive been wearing it for months when its suppose to be used for only a month. lazy me did not stock up on new pairs. until my bro forced me to get new ones before i really go blind. haha. my bro has been a darling these few days. :)

head hurts like crap. damn the weather. can it get any hotter! URGGGHHH!!

one, two, three, four, i wanna be smart.

2009-05-01T06:24:00.000-07:00

DAMN. thats not all the pictures but im just lazy to upload and i refuse to upload into facebook cuz i dont look good. so those who want the pictures ask me for it. i love being the one with the photos! haha. had a awesome day!! though was disappointed cuz asshole tan did not turn up. but i still had my fair share of fun! im too bummed to type anything else. just know that i did not study today and spent my day at the beach and window shopping at vivo. i love you girls. :)

my brother cannot be anymore adorable. that message made me smile from ear to ear before i involuntarily fell asleep. love him many many. how lucky am i to have a ELDER brother. thank god im not the eldest. :)

wrinkles at this age. :(

2009-04-30T08:58:00.000-07:00

there are pros and cons, being alone at home for days. so im home alone till sunday. bro with be around but im guessing we will hardly be interacting so its as good as being at home alone. sigh. somehow today was a pretty bad day for me. after econs, i was utterly demoralised. sally's random note really made me much happier and comforted. thanks god for friends like her. seriously dont know what i would do without the girls, i would just slowly rot and die in school. im a little overwhelmed by my emotions. i dont what im thinking either. i just feel weird and really uneasy. :(

im keeping my fingers crossed.

2009-04-29T08:02:00.000-07:00

i realised that i get bored of stuff like really easily. example facebook, dumb example but whatever, point is, i can be playing one game and get really hooked and hyped, the next minute im bored of it and just find something else to entertain myself. i never get bored of studying! but that is probably because i dont study. :( SO LOOKING FORWARD TO FRIDAY! :)

went to to paddle today. things are really different. i know its not easy, but seriously, put your heart and soul to it, its easy peasy lemon squeezy. hardest part is facing the fear of capsizing during a competition. i may come in last but at least i finished the race and gave it my best. cuz capsizing is a wasted chance. it does not prove that i suck though. cuz i know i dont. none of the seniors suck. i just wish the juniors had more sense of urgency and more initiative. im confident things will be different when i go back to paddle again. this time a better kind of different. SO LOOKING FORWARD TO FRIDAY! :)

tan should start realising that im not as smart as she think that i am and start quizzing me randomly during tutorials. cuz today, although not targetted at me, made me nearly wet my pants (OF COURSE NOT, just saying metaphorically). tan, would be the only teacher i want to work hard for. she deserves an award. but then again she looks so happy and satisfied the way she is now. haa. and its clear that my two beloved friends cannot focus and sit and read their lecture book. they are like uncontrollable kids, forever so hyped up. worried for them yet i know they know what to do. SO LOOKING FORWARD TO FRIDAY! :)

i ate the leftovers of dinner today with a serving spoon. and damn, my mouth was aching. cuz the spoon was to big and i overestimated the size of my mouth.

SO LOOKING FORWARD TO FRIDAY!! :)

to cut or not to cut, that is the question.

2009-04-28T08:05:00.000-07:00

happy endings, just what are they and who are we to define them. past events have crushed my belief in happy endings. a marriage of more than 20 years can just come to halt just because of a simple, 'i don't love you anymore'. recently, i've been glued to the tv, i know i shouldn't be, but anyway, i cannot seem to find a show that i define as the perfect ending. they just dont end the way i want it to. then i will just ramble about how i wasted my time chasing after all the episodes. i guess life is the same too. we can never choose our ending. everything depends on luck, fate and simply, god's timing. someone who is a big bully in school and sleeps during lectures can score straight a's while a mugger might not as much as he deserves it. its fate. i may have love someone all my life and given up everything for that one person, but my love may not be recipocrated. its fate. as much as i curse and swear at life (well, sometimes), i came to a conclusion that we can only just accept the shitty nature of life. otherwise we can all just gather at the tallest building and commit suicide. life will never be a bed of roses. so just grit your teeth and make whatever is left of your life meaningful and worthwhile. i swear, i'll never do something that i will regret, again. or at least i will try.

pardon my random blabber about life.

no mother can be better than my mum. i never knew she understood how i felt. that small gesture of hers not only made my day but brought me to tears as well. all those tearful nights, she knew. i guess it just comes with the role of a mother to just know almost everything. i think my mum suffered alot. she deserves a better life, i swear. im crossing my fingers that god would sned her a companion to walk with her through the rest of her years. i mean my bro and i cannot be there for her 24/7. unless im left on the shelf and remain a spinister all me life then definitely, i would take care of my mother and all. but i have big plans. plans to get married and have kids. plans to go places and see the world. not that i dont include her in my plans but, moral of the story, its different when you have a more intimate companion. :) the brief mention of bro reminds me that i miss my bro. he is the 21 year old that behaves like a 3 year old kid. annoying but being the magnanimous me, i love him still. army took my brother away. i want him back.

im pretty sure im a big disappointment to my teachers. especially yew and tan. i know they expected great things from me, knowing that im capable of it and blah blah blah. but things have changed, i have changed, no doubt. im no longer the mug-when-i-know-have-to kinda girl anymore. i was possessed and now am the who-gives-a-shit kinda girl. i dont know what changed me, but i hate this change and i want to rebuke it. i won't say im trying very hard but i am. laziness and procrastination takes control of me. i have yet to see the need to study and fuck, i really need to study. its not a choice. i dont want to disappoint people who hold high hopes of me. i want them to be actually proud of me. but why the fuck am i not doing anything?! i get on my nerves sometimes. talk is cheap and action speaks louder than words, i know i know. so no more i will do this and that, but i must do this and that. i must.

studying, now makes me ponder why i chose to go to a jc? and why i gave up my chance to be in a poly. but nows not the time to think of such stuff. ive come thus far and like what i said, acceptance is the only way now.

screw my fugly fringe. grow please grow. :(

now, a heart of stone.

2009-04-27T03:59:00.000-07:00

random but i wonder if anyone laughs at what i say, when its meant to be funny.

gp lesson was as usual ineffective and unproductive. practically wasted two hours of my prcious time. im sorry et, i just cannot focus during your lessons. try as i may, i just cannot define, whats been said half the time. so sal and i came up with a list of names for our kiddos in future. it took me eternity to think of 26 names for each gender, but it was a breeze for sal. like as though she prepared it beforehand. at this rate, we are screwed for mids and a's. like my results aren't bad enough. gawd, i really got to get my ass moving. i need to see the urgency to study NOW NOW NOW!!

need to rant. awesome, awesome where are you?

everyday.

2009-04-26T02:41:00.000-07:00

the rest, im lazy.

he is damn cute. i swear. the he is not refering to any of the guys in the above pictures.

tired. is the only word that is on my mind now. hungry is the next word.

i miss you. is another thing.

im gonna f* up my mids. i feel it in my fingers and toes.

2009-04-21T07:15:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZACH! YOU'RE AWESOME FOR BEING CHAN MING'S FRIEND!! LOVES YOU MANY MANY!

tuesdays are such a pain. seriously long day, im guessing its not just for my class but everyone. life's just this way and i gotta deal with it. that's the sucky part. sally and i decided to give rockfest a miss. technically, it was the really weared out her that backed out but i dont blame her, i mean come on. math definitely must have zapped whatever was left of her energy away. so blame math, not her! so i decided not to go too. no sally, no fun. so tagged along with el, fee, jac and reg for FREE CONE!! but obviously, it was a failure. queue so bloody long for a bloody cone. singaporeans will always be singaporeans. two levels long and not only that it was all the way to the stairwell! geesh, we never got to the ened of the line, god knows where it ends, but the stenc of body odour was enough for me to give up and just waste my $4.90 on a cone which i dont need to queue. technically i did not buy myself one cuz i conveniently stole a few bites from jac's. now i know never to waste my time on free stuff, especially if its food. URGGGH! so now im dead beat. but to me, that short trip to cathay brought back pleasant memories that i can now bring myself to smile at and not cry over. :) im glad i no longer question why. but i know one day i will, again, ask why this, why me, why that. its part and parcel of growing up and growing out.

dead beat.

2009-04-20T06:29:00.000-07:00

me saw carol on bus today!! finally see that carol after like a gazillion years. though she didnt see me, im glad she is still alive and kicking. haa. what a way to put it. i really miss my secondary school clique.

but i must say sally poh and abelle are keeping me entertained through random notes addressed to baby den. seriously girls i know its you all. geesh, try harder and please dont use alan's name in vain! haa. its not a wonder why i missed school. technically, i missed them not the school. :) the joy and laughter they bring, cannot be replaced and exchanged for anything in this cruel world.

anyway, im really into this song again. it makes me go awww..

2009-04-19T03:49:00.000-07:00

this sucks big time.

2009-04-17T05:45:00.000-07:00

im friggin sure that random note passed down during lecture is sally or the rest of the gang! only they will do that, come on, baby den, like seriously?! anyways, i cant wait for monday to come, i miss the gang like %$@&)!*^@?!/> haha, and sadly they all went out without me, im sure. but they didnt forget me, they got me a little something too. aren't my friends awesome. to think i would be forgotten! haa. not only do i sound like a toad, now nothing comes out of my mouth when i try to talk, only carbon dioxide comes out. sore throats should just jump off the highest building in singapore and die. its so friggin painful. even drinking is a chore, much less eating. lozenges dont help cuz its so painful to suck on them. URGGGHHHHH!!! shoo sore throat shoo!!

anyway, i watched my all time favourite SWAN PRINCESS ONLINE (not today but some other day before i got sick) and only to find out there is parts II and III. yes yes, you can call me slow. but wah lao, i really dont know right. so i just in front of the laptop and watch. and I LOVED IT TO THE CORE CAN! its so fairytale like yet there is a realistic bit. but its simply awesome. and its not a dismey flick! even more awesome! okie not that i dislike disney or anything. but its great to know that not only disney creates awesome cartoons, some random producer can too!! haa. okie sneezing hurts. i think someones missing me, SALI. haa.

i cant wait for saturday. i cant wait. i cant wait i cant wait. i love my niang and all my other 'siblings'.

the price i have to pay for bitching so much. haa!

2009-04-17T01:20:00.000-07:00

the sr canoeing team did exceedingly well during the nationals this week. two made it semis and two made it to finals. after semis, it was a total of three that made it to semis. VERY VERY VERY VERY GOOD JOB!! miss clarity's with soon and niang was awesome. no one would believe that niang is eight years older than us. the very next day, my immune system gave way and was down with fever and everythign else just came along, the bodyaches, the sore throat, the cough, the flu. it sucked cuz i was as good as bedridden. never felt so weak in my life. i pulled myself out of bed and made my way to the doctors to get a jab. the doctor was just so awesome lah, with one look he know i was in canoeing. he said he knew he couldnt stop me from competing. so he said he will give me a jab to lower my temperature fast. so sweet. :) and although i didnt meet my own expectations of myself for the race, im not disappointed cuz i know i gave in my best and never gave up. :) but, if i did not fall sick im confident of at least getting in fourth or fifth. but anyway, im still proud of myself and am especially proud of my team. SR CANOEING WHOOOSSHH! :D

i sound like a toad.

cant wait for tomorrow!

2009-04-14T05:03:00.000-07:00

i need a new blogskin.

something happy just happened. i was contemplating to buy yakult but i was feeling lazy as usual. and then the yakult fairy appeared!! (:

k5 girls, im extremely proud of you guys. we proved everybody wrong. although the school never got to see how awesome we were, we know we are can already. loves you all many many! <3333

2009-04-14T04:52:00.000-07:00

DAMN IT! Im so close to displaying the f-word big and bold like i said would but i will not. although the disppointment has subsided it will always be there. but we all knew that we were BEYOND AWESOME! everyone at macritchie will know. so to those school who think sr suck. watch us before you speak and please be more mature and not talk behind our backs and even if you do, be wise and say it somewhere private where no one hears you. high expectations of myself tomorrow.

and to you, dont you need to rest? wont say much. all that i've been through, F* you. humph!

denise needs to study. denise needs to sleep. denise needs to train for sundown. denise is dead.

time to let go, as in really let go.

2009-04-13T08:26:00.000-07:00

ITS NATIONALS TOMORROW! will not rattle much about it but no matter what the results, i will be extremely proud of the sr canoeing team cuz i know we ill fight till the end, give in our best and never give up. :)

had a bad day today. monday blues. its gonna suck big time that im missing out on so many lessons. but for nationals i will. besides i should be glad that my nationals end way earlier than the rest and for the fact that i have the honour to participate in nationals. im dead tired. and it feels good to be back at toa payoh. full of memories. sigh. anyway, i really love my grandmother. i want her to live forever. :) by the way, i have a annoying sty in my left eye. i want it to go away NOW NOW NOW!! must have seen something i should not have seen. DAMN!

pictures to brighten up the rest of my day. :)

hate the fringe, love the girl.

try harder kids.

watch out for our Denise and Sally show!

soon, i love you and i know you love me too.

i love... the spiderman toy that yy is holding!

you're the reason for the teardrops on my pillow.

2009-04-11T20:47:00.000-07:00

i think they are awesomely pretty!

but then again they might be plastic.

imagining sally, abelle, louisa, ann and i doing the dance.

BAD MENTAL IMAGE, OMG!! haha.

that was purely random. :)

i want nobody nobody but chiu!!

2009-04-11T03:35:00.000-07:00

still procrastinating to upload some pictures to colour up my blog. procrastination, if i ever fail in life, i guess that would be the cause of it. the cause of denise's downfall. second housewarming of the week. and im exhausted. hate being forced to entertain. but then again this group of people are my family. so its not that bad. i still can go around and do my own stuff but its still not very nice to isolate myself. waiting for my cousins to arrive. they have all grown up and no longer come with their parents. so yea. this leads me to wonder why im at home. THANKS SALLY POH FOR CHANGING PLANS LAST MINUTE!

life's currently a bore, soon it will be a chore. with all the mugging.

my whole body is aching from head to toe. i need my osim message chair NOW!!!

im feeling prettier than usual cause my hair's in plaits. HAA!

pimpleface.

2009-04-10T09:12:00.000-07:00

it really frustrates me sometimes that my mum is a noob at technology. i can dare say she is technophobic. for instance, just playing around with the camera function scares her, afraid she will delete some pictures. its ironic cuz she is a secretary. i guess the only thing she is pro at and way better than me is microsoft office. haa! she is damn hard to teach. patience is a virtue. (:

i usually like it when in rains. but today, is just not a good day. hope tomorrow will be better. will be making an attempt to study longer than usual tomorrow. i dread weekends now. i miss school. at this rate, wonder how i will survive after i graduate. not that i miss school as in lessons. i miss school as in friends. seriously, they are the reason why im even waking up so early in the morning. screw education. im disturbed by the fact that even a degree is no longer enough to get me good job to last me till my ripe old age. i will need a doctorate to excel. before i even think so far, i dont even know what to major in, what i want to be in the future. im still taking one step at a time, risky but ive really yet to derive to a conclusion. facebook quizzes will not answer my questions, its all bullcrap. haa. so, im going to dedicate a day to do my research for the future. im crossing my fingers that it will a great motivation to me. (:

im really satisfied with my house. the few who ever stepped into my house said it was nice. but then again which idiot would say that the house is ugy, even if it was true. haha. mum's been bugging me to have house warming party, invite all my friends. but honestly, im lazy and too busy to think about such stuff.

OMG! MY MUM IS 'AWESOME'!

im not moving.

2009-04-09T22:22:00.000-07:00

i thought training was good today. but it was during dry paddling that i realised the imprtance of sitting in front. and honestly in scares me. i dont wanna let vall, yy and soon down. i dont want to let belle down. i really wanted to give it my all, but at that spur of the moment, my brain and body just shut down and i broke down. for now, i putting my studies on hold so that i can give my 100% in canoeing. as much as i may whine and complain about trainings, but i know im serious during trainings, i really give in my all. but im starting to be really disappointed in myself. jack of all trades master of none. now even my studies are at stake, and thats why i cant put it aside, i have to juggle everything all together. but its the path that i chose for myself, im not going to give up. once in a while i allow myself to cry, but it wont be often, cuz crying is a sign of weakness. i dont want people to perceive me as a weakling. cuz i know im not. im going to prove to myself that i can be who i desire to be. that awesome canoeist that can juggle both trainings and study. i wanna be like student X. :)

ANYWAYS, hate taking the bus when im rushing for time. its times like that that i would curse and swear at the person who alights or boards the bus at every stop. feel like killing the bus driver and everyone on the bus so i can take over the wheel and just drive to MY destination. goodness, how selfish of me. but i was seriously rushing for time okie! i left mac later than i planned to and only reached home at 1905. when i was suppose to be at nlb at latest 1930 to collect my ticket. but anyway the played started only at 2000, so i busied myself by messaging all my friends whom i know was going to collect my ticket first. haa. cabbed down and omg, was the cab fare expensive. gotta starve for the weekend already! made it there by 1950. phew! i hate rushing, i prefer taking my own sweet time. the again who doesnt.

IMPORTANCE OF BEING EARNEST WAS THE BOMB (AND AS SOON PUT IT THE SEX. HAA!) well, was truly impressed by the all male cast. but truly annoyed by the j1s behind. giggling like there was no tomorrow. but come to think of it, i bet i was like this the last time too. coming back to the play, my favourite character was the servant, haha. i thought he was really funny. though he did not play a very significant role but i thought his appearances at the wrong time, the comments he made was hilarious. especially the one in town, the country side was cute too. :) and the male playing cecily was damn good looking his blue eyes was really, i must say, attractive. haha. after the play, went for prata. i died of lethargy shortly after.

im sorry i missed morning trainings, i'll see you girls a few hours time, YES!

what we should, could have been.

2009-04-07T08:19:00.001-07:00

to death with facebook quizzes. haha. only have myself to blame for being hooked on such lame quizzes. people doing those quizzes, although lit taught me that every teeny tiny choice you make determines who you are whether you meant it or not, take those quizzes with a pinch of salt. i meant, come on, im so not going to kill myself. suicide is the dumbest way to die, i have not had enough of life yet! and damn, i really got to practice self control and self discipline. cuz people out there will not be bothered that im so absorbed with such stuff in fact they are happy that i am, cuz one less competitor during the a's. ):

sally was emotionally sick today. fancy giving herself a holiday. wth! and of all days tuesday, the longest day of the week. where every subject, both lectures and tutorials are being covered today. i miss sally. gp is different with her around. no one to play with. ):

i miss my old self. but not attempting to revert to the old but embracing the new me and just making slight alterations to her. so im happy the way i am, if not happier. (:

im spinning around.

2009-04-04T09:53:00.000-07:00

OMG! HOTTIE ALERT! AARON JOHNSON. MY MIND CURRENTLY GOING BONKERS OVER HIS CHARM.

which im pretty sure will die off soon. :)

2009-04-04T05:53:00.001-07:00

for some weird reason i loved today.

headed down to seletar with soon. SUPPOSED TO MEET AT 10 AM AT POTONG PASIR, but unsurprisingly she was late. and i was nice enough to wait patiently at the bus stop. but we were not late in fact we reached pretty early. so we decided to jaywalk across to the stdium to go toilet. but something caught our eye. we are so gonna do that the next time!! so awesome! fast forward to the part when we were paddling there, water is great and boat was fantastic. and since i was sitting in front, i heard val was extremely off form today. and though i cant see, i certainly felt it. and belle was such a sweetie to bring down our paddles from mac! imagine carrying 4 paddles with you on the bus, when each of us were already so annoyed with just 1. lunch-ed at the world's most sinful place. and boy did i have the time of my life. the things we talked about was, speechless. belle was more like a friend than a teacher, fancy telling us stuff that we would never expect a teacher to say. haha. i love her to bits!! belle was such a sweetie again, cuz i wanted to eat ice cream, and just so happened that mcdonald's ran out of it. she went all the way to god-knows-where and got 4 ice cream, conveniently forgetting about herself. but in the end, since soon doesnt really fancy chocolates she ate it. but still, how awesome can she get! after lunch, bus-ed down to macritchie to paddle. AND OMG, I THOUGHT I WOULD NOT HAVE LIVED TO BLOG AGAIN! IF THAT BLOODY T1 DID NOT PADDLE BACK TO SAVE I WOULD HAVE DROWNED AND DIED. AND IM PRETTY SURE ABOUT THAT. HERES THE STORY AND ITS GONNA BE IN CAPS:

WE WERE DOING 6-5-4-3-2-1 SETS ANS WE (AS IN VAL, SOON AND I) WERE AT OUR 2 MIN SETS WHEN ITS STARTED TO RAIN CATS AND DOGS AND IT WAS AFFECTING MY VISION. AND THE WIND WAS BLOWING DAMN DAMN DAMN HARD, THE WATER WAS DAMN HARD. IT WAS LIKE PADDLING THROUGH ROCKS. I WAS TRYING MY BEST NOT TO LET MYSELF CAPSIZE. BUT I WAS OVERCOMED BY THE WIND AND PLOP, I WAS IN THE WATER. AND OMG, THE WAVES JUST KEPT GOING OVER ME, THE RAIN FORBID ME TO OPEN MY EYES, AND I COULDNT SEE WHERE WAS MY BOAT AND WHERE THE HELL WAS I. I COULDNT SEE, I WAS DEAD TIRED, I WAS PRACTICALLY STRUGGLING TO KEEP AFLOAT. VAL AND SOON WERE DOING K2 SO NATURALLY THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN FASTER THAN ME, SO I WAS STRANDED. I DONT WANT TO DIE DROWNING SO I TRIED MY BEST TO OPEN MY EYES AND JUST MOVE BUT IT DIDNT FLET LIKE I MOVED ANYWAY. UNTIL I HEARD SOMETHING KNOCK MY BOAT AND THANK GOD, MY LIFESAVER, MY MENG NAN TO THE RESCUE. HAHA. and that was how close i was to death. the guy so sweet paddle behind me so in case i capped again. but in the end he went to save another c1.

anyway, moving on with life, tried my best to lift up 30 kg after that but omg, i couldnt even lift it up half way. and boy was i glad to be heading home. 74-ed home with soon, end up she came to my house. slack, watch tv and planned for chem. i love sherlene soon. :) around 7-ish we got our lazy ass-es out of my house to have dinner. and i embarrassingly paid for my dinner in coins. he gave up counting and said, 'i trust you', AWWWWWW!!! i love sherlene soon! :)

we are like about a week away from nationals. to be exact 10 days away from nationals. and i want to get into the finals so bad. for belle and the girls, cuz i want to make them proud. i want belle's teachings to be fruitful and not barren. and i think belle deserves a medal from each of us. for all that she has done and sacrificed for us, i know the pain im going through is worth it and temporal. so no matter what people say about canoeing, im just gonna give my best and show them we are not as weak and lousy as people perceive us to be. medals are not everything, they are just accesories and evidence of participation, cuz i know no matter what happens on the 14 to 17 of april, i have belle and the girls behind me, supporting me, and thats all i need, them. we know we are strong, both physically and mentally, we just need to know it for ourselves, we dont need to prove it to a bunch of people who dont have the faith in us. so to SHERLENE SOON, VALERIE TAN, WONG YUEYING, LAU JIAQI, ANNABELLE NG, TRAIN HARD FOR THE NEXT 10 DAYS AND REAP THE REWARDS THAT WE DESERVE. NO MATTER WHAT, I LOVE YOU! :)

moving on.

2009-04-02T08:24:00.000-07:00

not exactly a typical day in school. but just one of those rare days where we had toys to entertain us thanks to ann who came fully geared up to scare us on the 1st of april 2009. and this definitely rocks way way way better than gp.

huge.red.fulgly

ann, the freak.

the way cooler side of her.

ME OWNING THE HANDICAPPED. ME!

lou the unglam, abelle the lazybones, ann the one who tries too hard.

sally the one who tries even harder.

ann the one who tries again.

denise the one who tried to be scary but failed miserably.

alphy/alphonZo officially in HIS OWN WORLD.

my favourite picture of the day (:

the edits in pictures are done the ever-so-awesome sally poh zhi lei.

see my reasons why im happy in school. (: pictures speak more than a thousand words. if you cant define and derive anything from the pictures than too bad. you are one sad person.

2009-04-02T07:23:00.001-07:00

i wont say ann is crippled she is more of handicapped. but then again its the same meaning. but that bitch makes me love/hate her. april fool's day is a classic example of how anal ann can be. the party popper was the ULTIMATE! we all seriously thought she was just digging for some stuff in her bag. but little did we know she was going to pop that thingy right in our faces. and god, why is successful in scaring us most of the time. and the loser sally always fail in scaring ann. making ann 'unscarable'. haa. and ann deserves to be shot for trying to something she is not suppose to do to me that i refuse to disclose in pulic. but i love you all the same ann, but just you wait. karma.

words cannot describe the days that have gone past. but something noteworthy. my little chat with k at the bus stop today taught me some stuff and really opened my eyes. its good to have such nice random good friends around in school. makes life a whole lot better. school, no time to be exact, is passing by way too quickly. no time to catch my breathe. work after work, it just keeps piling but it never goes down. ive been on task lately, i would say. as compared to my jc1 year. i guess that just taught me a major lesson that studies is proirity and there is just so many people i don't want to disappoint. but im not revising much aside from just completing homework. damn.

i actually had alot to say. but currently, my brain forbids me to carry on.

you're beautiful, its fake.

2009-03-31T04:32:00.000-07:00

every movement i make pains me. the result of not doing gym for eternity. :(

i like it when my friends in school make me laugh. allowing to forget stuff that are supposed to be forgotten and forging new memories with them. gelare waffles are half price today so we decided to give ourselves a little treat after gp test, which im pretty sure we will fail miserably. and its only today that i made an amazing discovery!

lou's birthday: may

ann's birthday: june

my birthday: july

sally's birthday: august

abelle's birthday: september

alph's birthday: october

so cool right! i mean what are the chances of you and your friends birthday being in order. so we were really fascinated except for alph. he was as usual, indifferent. surprisingly waffles made me really full. so much for wanting to eat with alph at siam after waffles. even mum's says i eat alot lesser now = will not gain so much weight. which is a good thing. as much as i do whine about my weight sometimes, but it is just a typical girlie tendency to be damn anal about their weight, in some way or another. i dont think im fat, well, not that fat. but i do get mortified when i see the needle of the weighing machine moving more to the left. but then again, its not the needle that moves and besides, with technology weighing machines have gone digital. so moral of the story, i get mortified when i put on weight. haha. trying to act chim today. at least i attempted. :)

tomorrow is dragonboating which im totally dreading. with my aching body, im pretty much not in the right state to do anything strenuous. but obviously, i dont have a choice. damn sr olympics. a bloody waste of my precious time. honestly, i rather paddle at macritchie than to dragonboat with random people, which im very confident i will not even say hi to after tomorrow. but it all depends. who knows i might have fun tomorrow. let the unexpected surprise me. :)

mrs c. tan sure has her way of motivating people. she makes you feel guilty for not study. she is smart in not wasting her breathe to shour and scream at us when we don't prepare tutorials. instead, she questions us, time and time again remind us of how many more days we are left to mye's. which is a disgusting number, SRJCZIANSXSZSXZ, WE ARE OFFICIALLY LEFT WITH 48 MORE DAYSXZXSXSZ TO MYE!!!!! OMGXZSXSXZXS!!! yes, guilty now?

with that, im off to do my work. shocked at my current discipline for today. but im confident it will all die down in a few hours time.

your face spells bitch.

2009-03-29T08:41:00.001-07:00

is it humanely possible that you shut up just for a day? you get on my nerves and never give my ears the rest they deserve. why be so prejudiced against me? and even so, why make your biasness against me so obvious? just hide it and pretend that at least your love for me is equal to his. thanks, alot. those words conveniently came out of your mouth, without realising that it could hurt me. which part of me doesn't look human? try poking me and see if i would bleed, try pinching me and see if i would scream. to my amazement i did not cry. i guess my tear glands have dried up. after all that has happened all my 17 going 18 years. my tear glands have finally dried up. im still waiting for my reason to smile.

my brother is fine, the car is not. i understand your worry. but all your world revolves around is him. where do i fall? when you need someone to take down the clothes, when you need someone to clean up the floor, when you need help. im fucking always there to do it for you. while my he is treated like the king. i thought the days where guys are favoured more than girls are long gone. but apparantly not so. i know you love me, but much less than you love him.

are girls really meant to be married off, give birth and wait to die? can't we be something more. why cant we order the men around? screw history about females being weaker.

omg. i need a chill pill.

on a really much lighter note. saturday ended on a very awesome note. its really comforting to know someone cares and bothers. thanks, mr awesome.

so much for loving you.

2009-03-29T01:19:00.001-07:00

woke up to find everyone gone from the house. lazed around. mum came home and started nagging immediately. skipped lunch. came to know that my brother got into an accident. bad day, part 3. FUCK.

i need you more than ever.

2009-03-28T04:50:00.000-07:00

today is just a sequel to yesterday.

best part of yesterday was being at b&j's at dempsey hill. just sat there and stone. listen to melissa's singing and laugh at james. but despite the nice ambience, i was in a horrible mood. and that bitch is so annoying, i was so close to slapping her. keep squeezing behind me and sorry but she ain't that small. bad day, part 1.

came in third for mr500. did better than i expected but deep down inside i was disappointed. wanted to get into finals and make belle and the team proud. but i failed. you can say i gave and did my best, but if my best is just a third. then im a real big fat loser. went to tp to find drus, which she could tell that i was out of sorts. but nonetheless i enjoy just talking and waking with her. headed to town thereafter. i always say i hate being alone, but sadly i always am. :( skipped dinner cuz i have no appetitie. bad day, part 2.

i hate feeling like crap for a span of two days.

earth hour today. 30 minutes more. at least im trying my best to save the earth which is dying in 34890754573867 days time. haha.

another thing that adds to my collection of bad stuff that has been happening, my beloved eugene chia is so different. ocs killed him. i miss the old you.

tonight im falling, i can't get up.

2009-03-26T05:00:00.000-07:00

IN LOVING MEMORY OF CUPCAKE

in case anyone is wondering, cupcake was the pet that we had for barely a day. sally was supposed to bring him (im VERY VERY SURE ITS A HIM, SO DAMN TIKO) home. but he died before he could. how he appeared into our lives was extremely interesting. he attempted to fly, its a baby bird, and landed on eileen's head. which got her screaming of course. and poor soul he was flung onto the floor and being the typical animal lover, ann na picked it up and kept it. how it died was really unfortunate. and up till now we are all still grieving. it was forced to be brought out of class as its a distraction. so it flew out of the box, eager to reconcile with us again. in his attempt to fly, he hit the ceiling fan and there he goes. cupcake died a very horrible death. :( cupcake, although we spent only a few hours with you, you know we all love you.

on the bright side. i think im improving in tap tap. shit, im not suppose to be proud of that cuz im supposed to be STUDYING!! but i still feel accomplished cuz i did study today. :) camwhored with sally a little. tried my best to find some glam pictures, but damn there was none. and the last picture tickles me and i guess only the few knows the real meaning behind the picture. haa!

out of sight, out of mind.

2009-03-25T08:24:00.000-07:00

love. dread. hate.

thats basically how im feeling right now.

hottie got into nus arts and social science. but hottie wants to go smu. people like me, dying to get a spot in nus arts and social science. and people like hottie, rejecting just a place. damn you!

but right now i should just focus on mugging for mye.

53 more days too MYE.

my paragraphs are broken up. im feeling litty today. so the way i type, reflects the way i feel.

today was an un-awesome day.

one day, you'll know.

2009-03-24T08:53:00.000-07:00

denise
02/07/1991

You are Purple Koala, who gives an impression of leading a steady life and a gentle person (i've been hearing otherwise).

But your attitude is active and can do things that surprise those around you.

You have totally different personality inside and outside.

When the hidden characteristic suddenly comes out, you shock people.

But truly, you are natural and honest person.

You are not pretentious, so people feel safe to have relationship with you.

Nevertheless, you want to make things clear.

You would say whatever you feel necessary to comment on.

To those around you, you are an important person, who would advice them on something others would not.

You are rather cautious, and will not easily show your true feelings to others.

When your pride is badly damaged, you will get angry.

You take good care of the others, and if something happens to your friend, you will worry about it just as it happened to you.

You are big-hearted person.

You can be very calculative, but will stop trying very easily.

In every day life, you are well planned, and are sensitive to interests and bargaining.

Your health tends to be uneven, but you are talkative and energetic.

You are very active and move around constantly.

Although you have foresight (NO WAY!), you tend to get caught by things that are under your nose, so you should be careful not to extend your activities too much.

But once married, you will eventually settle down. (okie, that is if i can get married!)

2009-03-24T03:00:00.000-07:00

i screwed up yet again.

my perpetual tiredness is eating and slowly chewing me up. i slept during every lesson. and i dont usually sleep during econs but i did. i slept right in yew's face. i wonder why im always so tired. faitugue would be the word. even lou says somethings not right. sleeping during lessons has become a involuntary action. and honestly, its creeping me out. anyways, today was a EXTREMELY LONG DAY for 2A03. we were all dead tired at the end of the day, or is it just me. and the most shocking thing of the year, we had fun during gp. partly cuz sally and i kept talking and singing the tuts ma barreh song. i get so hyped up over that song, i have no idea why but it tickles me. we started oodling and drawing camels. haha. we debated over some weird issues that et insisted on reading instead of flashing it for us through the visualiser. and boy we did have fun, laughed at every slightest thing. one of those rare days where we actually have fun during gp. if only it was like that all the time. econs was, speechless. christina's (yes, she's my friend) typical "YOU ONLY HAVE 55 MORE DAYS TO MYE!" prep talk. as much as i hate that part of reality, its really useful cuz its gets my ass moving, somewhat. yew's consultation period was used to chat about exams and such. and its dragged on for one and a half hours. as much as i was dead at that time already, whatever he said and whatever discussed made alot of sense. sigh.

and i cant wait to see how my 'new' classmate looks like. he will only be here next week due to ns. and AHEM is so poor thing. was tempted to go up and say, 'hi, here's a packet of raisins. cheer up.' haa.

crack me up and make my day, only you.

2009-03-23T08:20:00.000-07:00

OMFG! im a little outdated as i read sally's blog, i chanced upon the world's most hilarious video and it definitely got me all cracked up laughing like a retard all alone in the room. but i swear its hilarious. just what i need after a horrible day in school ):

so i got back my results for history, gp and chemistry. needless to say i got a U for chem.

and 2A03 is the last of all the H1s. and damn, im the only breathing soul in 2A03 that

takes H1 chem. BLOODY HELL! i was deeply embarrassed although i already expected to

get a U. at least i did better than puppy face. HAA! history did not came as a shock either.

i mean i didn't even attempt 1 out of the 2 essays i HAD TO do. so obviously, i screwed that

up already. gp was really disappointing. i passed but it was just not what i expected.

i improved from the previous time but its still not where i wanna be. have yet to get back

econs and lit which i am totally dreading. im not looking forward to receiving back my results for

either. im afraid, i truly am. im panicking, im worried, im feeling this gush of emotions. i know i

should be studying hard at this point of time already. at the same time i should be training really

hard for nationals. but im doing neither. im sick and tired of working my ass off and come home

slouched on the sofa and never wanting to get up. even feeling really lazy to shower. its times like

when quitting seems like the next best alternative. but im not one who gives up and proves others

right that i cant juggle, i cant excel, and that i suck. truth is, i dont and im hanging on. for those who

believe in me and for myself.

gossiping is just the second nature of all girls. and im truly shocked that faith knows so much. haha.

so i ranted and melanie and faith today. i feel so bitchy. but its normal especially when sssh is

around. i think, no scratch that, CANOEING GIRLS ARE JUST SO FRIGGIN AWESOME! so screw

the other cca's that think they are the best, cuz to me, sr canoeing team 08/09 is just the cream of

the crop and the best among the rest no matter what others say. i really love the girls, damn,

am i lesbian, splitting my love between 5 girls and one of which is attached already and another

nearly a decade older than us. HAAAA!! (:

unbreakable, unmistakable, irreplaceable.

2009-03-22T02:11:00.001-07:00

so my mum's friends came over last night. the typical let-us-take-a-look-at-your-house kinda visit. so such a visit turned into a early birthday celebration for my mum. and OMG they came over at around 10-ish pm and stayed till 6-ish AM!! bloody long can. i slept bout 1-ish cuz i was waiting for a call and at the same time waiting for all of them to leave so i can be a good daughter and help to clear up but hell no, i lied on bed and off i was to dreamland. the next time i woke up was 5-ish AM and i still could hear the aunties all outside and god knows what they were talking about. and from what i know they were my mum's ex colleauges so my mum knew them since she was 19 years old! and my mum is like 40 ++ years old! i know my mums age i just dont wanna disclose it. (: thats like blooody long. i really wish the friends i have now would last till that long as well. they were all cool but very typical aunties. haha. glad my mum enjoyed herself.

back to gp. having a bad bad headache. i need to get out of the house to breathe. hate being couped up in the house!! AHHHHHHHHH!!

your love is a lie.

2009-03-21T07:49:00.000-07:00

special mention on this two pictures cause on this day itself i really enjoyed myself. it was cat one so we couldnt paddle we decided to run instead. so we ran through macritchie which i had no idea where we were heading i just ran. i love running in the rain cuz it takes the tiredness all away. the really rare time that i actually love running. running with the team was a bonus. so we made a pitstop and we met this couple with a dslr, made friends, take pictures and tadaa! seriously we don't look tired at all. i see this two pictures and somehow it makes me extremely happy. im happy i have team sr canoeing behind my back always. the only group of people who understands the pain i go through and can cheer me up and push me to persevere. sherlene soon, wong yueying, lau jiaqi, valeria tan and annabelle ng, thanks a million for always making my day and being there. you girls have been nothing but awesome and im more than happy to be training with you girls. i love each and everyone of you. im not a sexist, so guys, dudley lin, wesley loy, tan weixiong, lee jiahao, marc tan, shawn liu and chia bingxi(to some exent), thanks for giving your best to the team. i love you guys too, but never in THAT way. (:

NATIONALS IS JUST WEEKS AWAY. WE CAN DO IT. JUST BELIEVE IN OURSELVES, TRAIN HARD AND GIVE IT ALL WE'VE GOT. JIAYOU JIAYOU JIAYOU!

2009-03-21T06:06:00.000-07:00

TODAY IS A BAAAD DAYYY!

1. i missed my c finals for njcc. ):

2. karaoke session failed miserably.

3. shopping was runined by the hole in our wallets.

4. no dinner!

hope tomorrow will be a better day.

i never had a dream come true.

2009-03-20T07:22:00.001-07:00

today's training was so painful. for some reasons. it was hort but really really painful. i couldn't even do dips properly. that butterfly thingy was a killer, to death with those ac girls who came up with it. it was HORRIBLE! but i enjoyed todays training. i did nelo today for a little while and damn, it was friggin awesome. its like on planes you have first class and business class, the nelo is a friggin first class. awesome until cannot awesome already. it was a must to stop paddling at 630 pm cuz thats when the reservoir so-called closes. but we stayed there till like 7-ish. but we didn't go out onto the lanes. im doing k2 with del for mr-500 and i bloodly hell have to do well. today i saw my thrid rainbow of the month. amazing how it makes me feel better about all the shit that is going on around me, although just temporarily.

OGL OUTING AT SENTOSA WAS REALLY GREAT! although not all turned up we all had fun. dinner was different than we planned but with dave around anywhere will do. haha. he sure does lighten up the atmosphere. :) our trip to sentosa started off bad cuz i was so worried that we would have to leave the volleyball at the 2m deep dirty pond along the sidewalk cuz some genius called marcus dropped it in. and thank god there was a really long stick among the bushes. so we used that. i think someone else also dropped their balls in that so-called pond. okie that sentence structure is totally wrong but im not making any attempt to correct it. so yay, we got the volleyball out! what happens subsequently cannot be put into words but im sure we all had fun. thanks guys for planning it!

for the first tme i am uploading so many pictures. the perfect jumpshot was done at sentosa yesterday. it is just one of the many many many awesome pictures we took. with two pro photographers, emphasis on two, yeo mei and victor! kuek, i won't say you are pro yet. good try though. haha. the rest are from njcc really ugly pictures of me but whatever, i was genuinely happy :)

i really gotta learn to let go. it hurts like mad but what to do. life is full of shit and i can onlymove on and deal with it and learn from my mistakes. although i don't know what is there for me to learn. sigh, im sure the next half of my life would be better. so many reasons why i should be happy but just one thing like this can kill all that happiness. if only you knew how painful this is. but then again, so what if you knew. it changes nothing. you are doing fine like nothing ever happened but im still wallowing in self pity. whining to people who are pretty sick and tired of hearing the same thing over. i know im strong. but come on even superman can bleed, what more me. i had both good and bad times the past 7 going n 18 years. but human nature allows me to only remember the bad. i know im gonna have a bad bad birthday this year. but whatever happened in 2008 is not gonna pull me down. if you can do it, so can i.

the best i never had.

2009-03-18T07:11:00.000-07:00

hi zach. im not obsessed. i just like my angles.

photo1: eh eh take picture leh.

photo2: huh. what?

photo3: oh okie. SMILE! :)

something to colour up my blog. (:

2009-03-18T06:48:00.000-07:00

i know you love me but sometimes your words just come out all wrong. i'll just do my best to prove you wrong and prove to myself that i can do it. i'll erase whatever you said to me this morning away from your memory and just give my best in both canoeing and studies.

packed my room a little today. messy like crazy but never had the time to get down to packing. since i had to miss morning training i devoted my time to packing. headed for training at 3-ish. it was awesome for some reasons. amazed with myself for being able to balance so well on a tc-1 :) celebrated yy's birthday with the canoeists favourite chocolate cake. everyone agrees that its awesome! haha. headed to long house for dinner and headed home. tan weixiong is a disgusting idiot.

im suddenly hooked on lovebug again.

i know i want it bad.

2009-03-17T04:50:00.001-07:00

FINALLY!

lets start with common test cuz anything before that i cannot remember. haa. nothing much to talk about cuz basically i screwed every single subject up and seriously its not worth mentioning at all. even yew messaged me asking about my history. haa. lou predicted well, it was a week of stoning in the hall.

that very same weekened was junior champs. for them i will and for them i did it. im really proud of the team. and i hope they are proud of me too. :) now i know roughly where i stand and all i gotta do is train harder. talking about national juniors just makes me smile from ear to ear. cuz every canoeing mate will treat you like a king when you have a race on that day. haha. SO AWESOME! thank you every single one of you for treating me like a queen on sunday :) k5 girls, each and everyone of use did FANTASTIC. cuz we all made it for the sf's in our races. dont give up the k4!

monday was p's rally. i must say it was motivating but it was way too long. my attention span is damn short. so wasn't paying much attention. was using my awesome pen to colour and draw instead. went to run the slopes and boy, its was friggin tiring. hate slopes hate slopes hate slopes. but for them i will and i did. :) had bbq right after that and enjoyed every minute of it. his clever idea of using the mat and we just sat in front of the beach. i never felt to good in a long time the wonders of the beach! okie, give credits to the owner of the mat too. in summary, :)

tuesday is TCHOUKBALL!! mel, ah mao, ah lun, sun tang, des, jo, jef came down to teach us and play with us tchoukball. fun fun fun!! we kenna thrashed like nobody's business but it was still friggin fun. they are playing against taiwan on friday and we are all going down to support them. JIAYOU!

tomorrow, double training. :( not exactly looking forward to it. but for them i will and i must.

WAIT! i forgot to say that, IM DAMN HAPPY I FINALLY HAVE THE INTERNET!! AND AND AND VIVIAN DAWSON IS DAMN BLOODY HOT!!!!

mr awesome, yes you, thanks. :)

2009-03-10T02:14:00.000-07:00

suppose to be studying right. which i did, just that my fingers itch to type something on my abandoned blog.

haven been online for quite some time but seirously its a good thing. at least i will not be so distracted. not that i have been studying at home though. anyway, basically i screwed up my common test so fr. but it doesnt come as a shock to me. alot has been going on but im going off now. not safe to do this in school.

i miss you blog.

2009-03-04T22:04:00.000-08:00

navin is a loser.

i think sr never pay the water bills and thats why the water supply is cut off like NOW!! super inconvenient. imagine not washing your hands after pee-ing. okie, rest assured i did. :) my new crib has currently no internet excess. so never really update like everyday. but thank god. otherwise i will be glued to it like every second.

this reninds me that common test is around the corner. to be exact, next monday. and apparantly im not using my time very wisely.

all the best to my friends and i for common test, im VERY SURE WE ALL NEED IT.

SALLY IS MY MP3!

2009-02-27T04:22:00.000-08:00

finally getting back int ouch with technology. no tv, no computer for a week. quite horrible experience but it really did force me to study. :) but i dont really feel accomplished. so with common test around the corner, irts really high time that i start panicking and start mugging. but no, on the contrary, im still so cool and calm about it. not exactly mugging but still am studying. honestly im really unprepared for this common test. im definitely screwed for chemistry, needless to say. im heading nowhere in gp. stuck in econs, confused bout lit and lost in history. so in summary im dead for common test. good job dee!

the stress and all aside. wednesday was the best day of my life. i have never been that happy in all my 17 years. it may sound like a joke but the excitement and happiness that i experienced that day is seriously once in a lifetime. the j1s stayed in school to gym while the j2s headed to macritchie. it was raining cats and dogs, so we decided not to paddle and run the awesome 1o km route among the greens of macritchie. i really love running in the rain and what more running with the team. :) i swear wasn't tired after the run. anyway, just right after we finished running and reached back to macritchie, there was the most awesome-est rainbow i ever seen in my life. i was literally in awe. i smiling from within. i really felt like the happiest girl that ever breathed this earth. somehow the rainbow just brought my comfort and just made me so high and jumpy. i just wanted to sit there and stare at the rainbow. cuz honestly i can never get bored of it. got hold of the only photo taking device i had, my handphone and started snapping pictures of that awesome image that i swear i will never forget. i love rainbows. and coincidentally, i was drawing rainbows all over my notes during chem. adds to the awesome-ness. the first thing that crossed my mind was you. why?!

went shopping at the pasar malam at kovan today. haha. had fun buying all the cheap rubbish. cant wait till monday for ann to carry her new school tote bag. haha. and finally had my tapioca cake. somehow, its not as nice as before. maybe its the oil they used. or maybe its just me.

i actually had alot to rant about. but as usual, everything just slipped my mind. so forget it. not going to kill my brain cells just by thinking what to rant. i dont have much left after wesley whacked the paddle in my head!

10 MORE DAYS TO COMMON TEST, BABY!

when will i see you again.

2009-02-23T09:36:00.001-08:00

the making of the orientation video will never be forgotten. although it was never screened. i thank god we all made an effort to produce it. omg its friggin hilarious. :) i miss nana, jay, john and fei-de!!

2009-02-23T06:32:00.000-08:00

its been a long time since i last ate tapioca cake from those pasar malam stalls. when i saw again at kovan today i was so tempted to buy but i really didnt have the appetite. trained extra for sundown today cuz i know i'll be missing out on training due to blue orange. stayed back to complete my chapter summaries and studied history. pretty conducive i must say. but reality struck me that im still lagging behind by alot and i dont like that feeling. today was a good day except for the dreadful two hours of gp. i really couldnt control myself and fell asleep the minute et open his mouth. i need mrs pah right now. :(

i somewhat wasted my weekends. i didnt study. feeling uber guilty about it. but i really had no choice. my bro is only out on weekends and thus those two days are reserved for like settling the new house. blah blah. my bro drove on sat and sun. i was so friggin exciting and in disbelief that my brother can drive!! so exciting! :) anyway. two full days spent at ikea and giant. haa. im getting bored of both places now. i really love the ice cream form ikea. its like heaven.

speaking of heaven. a loser told me today that fruits were better than chocolates. and describing to me his wonderful encounter with a yummy fruit basket. that sparked off our fruit fight. had fun. took my mind off serious stuff like the bloody common test!

mr not-awesome-anymore, if you are reading this. really nice is my friend. stop pulling us apart!

there i stood rooted to the ground.

2009-02-18T06:31:00.000-08:00

random: in england they have spots for you to kiss, like kissing zones and areas where you cant kiss. newly implemented. thats insane! im so gonna kiss in front of that sign! haa. that is if i can find a hottie/cutie to kiss. haa!

2009-02-18T06:01:00.000-08:00

i miss hanging out with the girls for lunch/dinner after training. but homework is haunting me and im always so shagged after training. i really miss you girls alot and i mean ALOT. water trainings have been horrid for me. initially i felt left out doing k1 alone with like bing-ge. but i knew its all for my own good. i really need to train more on the k1. capped like crazy today. no excuses when i capsize, but omg this is hilarious. i was trying to avoid this k1 which capped like in the middle of the lane. so both left and right there were like people sprinting. so he is stuck there. the k2 paddled past me while i was trying to saim the k1, i lost balance and i capped. before me ac k4 capped. another k2 and k1 capped right after. friggin hilarious. so the few of us were floating in the water waiting to be saved cuz we were damn far from shore. i only find it funny now. cuz at that point of time i was pissed with myself. it certainly doesnt feel good doing the sets alone and capping like a zillion times. really demoralizes me. :(

juniors were, well, interesting. no girls though. but honestly, im not surprised by that. well, its all not confirmed yet anyway.

have been sleeping during tutorials and lectures recently. i really tried my best to stay awake. but i just doze off. todays gp period was classic. i slept right in his face. haha. but at the end of the day i still knew what he blabbered about. before today i never ever felt sleepy during econs lesson. but well, i guess im in dire need of sleep. been sleeping late and waking up early everyday. its going to be like this till A's. doing abit of revision in the morning does help. considering i dont study at home at all. anyway, morning company is like fantastic. :)

damn sundown training. 6km everyday. which obviously i dont complete. its nt alot to run, seriously. but im just mentally too tired to run. plus daily routine. screw it. my body is aching like crazy. i miss those slacker days in secondary school. i chose this life. im not one who gives up so, im hanging on. for the sake of those who love me and for my own sake. :) mr awesome, stay awesome. you can be awesomer than this!

i love you, nana.

fall back on whatever.

2009-02-17T05:51:00.000-08:00

i have no idea how im going to survive after i move into hougang. i came home and i was famished, my grandma automatically cooked for me. and its not like instant noodles. but really rice and proper dishes. my grandma is friggin awesome. :) she ended my day on a very very good note!

have christina tan as a teacher is so friggin stressful. but in a good way. she keeps counting down to the days to common test. and honestly, im panicking and extremely worried for chemistry. im so so so screwed. although my body has moved onto alkenes, my brain is still lagging and stuck at like mole concept. haha. okie i exaggerated but still, i really suck at chemistry!!

i actually have alot to whine about. but as usual, i cant remember.

i need a hug. from you.

2009-02-15T01:53:00.000-08:00

vday was hilarious. :)

today was demoralizing. so much to improve on. just 2 to focus on and yet i cant perfect it. damn :(

spent the night without any form of entertainment except foc. so i was kinda forced to read. im not used to my new bed yet. i prefer the old mattress and pillow and bolster. cuz somehow they are all 'seasoned' already. so they are not so hard and got my smell! haa. not exactly in the mood to crap. cuz ive got lots to catch up on. i have 3 tests to face on monday. although i dont want to fail any of them. i somehow think i will. :(

was browsing through the courses i can take uni, which hopefully im smart enough to go to. none of which im interested in yet. but, i narrowed down my choices. then again, ultimately no matter what i want or choose, its my result that defines my fate.

okie, i need to rant at someone. like real badly.

the blow winds harder, the harder you paddle. -belle (haa!)

2009-02-13T04:05:00.000-08:00

finally settled on something for my ogls. :) was estatic to be welcomed by my bro when i got home. its been 2 weeks since i last seen him. glad to know he survived field camp. but he sure lost alot of weight. i think i need a field camp too. so the minute i entered the door both of us start chatting. and i really like that about us. so he took off to shower while he entrusted me with what he was to wear for his date. so with the pathetic variety of clothes i had to work with since most of our stuff are already in hougang. i picked out the topshop checkered top i got for him and some random but cool pants. cuz jeans is just so boring. he doesnt look his best but safe. al the best for his date. :)

i want to get my wall decal soon. cuz seeing it makes me happy. i want to buy more threadless tops cuz its getting prettier by the day. i need to shop for clothes, especially bottoms. cuz shorts are really unpresentable and im sick of flaunting my fat ugly thighs. but, i look weird in berms and i kinda hate wearing jeans cuz of the insane weather. okie, enough of whining. NO, WAIT! MR YONG CAME UP WITH SOME TRAINING PROGRAMME FOR THE SUNDOWN RUNNERS AND OMG, MY JAW LITERALLY DROPPED. all the best to me.

and to mr awesome who is currently unhappy, if you happen to read this, CHEER UP!! :)

2009-02-12T23:16:00.000-08:00

i surrendered to my lethargy and here i am now, at home. unable to stop my leaking nose and decided to stop talking cuz i really sound like a toad. woke up to many sms-es and calls, i think they just want to know if im in school. anyways, thanks for thr vday presents although im unable to collect them today. :)

talking about vday, i read xy's post on some mail she received and it got me thinking as well. i do have some opposing views. but i guess at the end of the day, i too want to thank my friends that have stood by me. its easy to make friends, but only true friends stand the test of time. and i got to admit. in all my 17 years of living, i have made pretty awesome friends, in sr, lsbc and pl. so to all my friends,

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

study study study.

2009-02-12T06:36:00.000-08:00

so, orientation is no officially over. and i got to say it was THE BEST ORIENTATION EVER! not cuz the games were fantastic or what not, but the ogls and the freshies were awesome. although they did not play the orientation video, its okie. just that all the ohls and some councillors have wasted our very precious time just to film that! the last mass dance was FUN FUN FUN! i bet i lost a few kg after that dance. i really cant explain how happy i am. and i hope my ogls feel the same. its been an honour to be so-called in charge of them though i felt like i have done nothing. its been really nice knowing them and im sure our friendship will not end tonight. :) i love you ogls. we totally owned the orientation. WHOOO!!

okie back to reality. ive got a open book test tomorrow. seeing kuek studying for it throughout todays orientation really did scare and shock me. so im feeling kinda kan chiong about it. cuz i dont wanna fail! failing lit is like very insulting to me. cuz to me its a subject in which i can actually do well. so im studying too but definitely way way way less than kuek. ive got alot to catch up on and i really hate blue-orange. but its A levels and i know what gotta do. consultations after consultations but long study hours, HERE I COME!

i can feel the tiredness setting in. cuz im getting realy peeeved by my cousin. i feel like taping her mouth up and tying her to the chair. its just one of the nghts where i get annoyed really easily by redundant noises. example, my friggin annoying cousin who oughts to shot right now!! its time to head to bed. OH AND ONE MORE THING IM REALLY PROUD OF IS, MY SEXY VOICE! three cheers to that man! and ohls (nana, jay, john, fei-de), despite all the bullying in school and outside school, you guys were no doubt awesome. :) a zillion cheers to you big bullies. haha. kidding.

i hoped it was a case of save-the-best-for-the-last.

2009-02-09T06:14:00.000-08:00

nana, STOP SCARING ME! SERIOUSLY, NOT FUNNY. DONT PLAY OKIE, MY FRAGILE HEART CANT TAKE NEWS LIKE THAT.

mnctrj, ALL I CAN SAY IS :)

dreading to go back to reality, my world seems way way way more fun. and rubez is the awesomest name i ever heard. haha.

i screwed my own hair. but its okie. i finally get to see how i look like in bangs. SO NOT COOL! my reputation is tarnished. AHHHHH!. hairband to the rescue. i dont wanna be fulgy throughout orientation. like my face is not bad enough. haa!

family and friends are very important. and i treasure every obstacle i face. cuz someone awesome reminded me to appreciate the good things im blessed with and not to be so anal with the bad stuff im facing. :)

thank you, awesome.

2009-02-08T06:08:00.000-08:00

i woke up late today. was woken up by a sms. but really thank god for that awesome person. cuz if not i would be sleeping all the way till dinner time. so headed out and put on some calories and cycled a few centimeters on a super scary bike. then headed home. like i expected i really had nothing to do. forced myself to do econs. pretty produtive i must say but i got distracted and decided to,. anyway, in short, today was boring.

tomorrow is the day. im expecting it to be boring for the ohls as well. i mean we really have nothing to do. shit talking bout tomorrow. im heading to bed SOON! the earliest i will ever sleep. i CANNOT be late.

i never knew i could hurt like this.

2009-02-07T08:01:00.000-08:00

2009-02-07T07:48:00.000-08:00

really random: i think tmnt is such a lame show. i mean a rat being the master/father of four turtles. its really kinda, dumb. haha. to think i used to like the show when i was a kid. watching in name just bores me. maybe im already very tired.

today is a rushy day for me. woke up early and reached school like really early. suppose to meet jin zhong so he can pass me the essay analysis to study for the timed practice which happens to start at 8 AM! but he was late so i was doing my econs instead. i kinda feel accomplished cuz surprisingly i was really focused. haha. after all the things i had to settle in school bus-ed to macritchie with jq and dud. sleep like nobody's business. damn bloody tired and the bus ride was really long. i hate long bus rides by the way. after training, i went to the make-shift toilet to change cuz it was IMPOSSIBLE to change in the shed. haha. i didnt dare to look around for like something dirty so i just concentrated on changing and ran out. embarassed myself in from of a group of people. haha. but whatever. luckily when i was out the bus arrived. so not much waiting. wanted to be nice and accompany someone to go hougang mall but nuh i went to kovan instead. LEI YI'S HOUSE IS THE BOMB! I LOVE THE WALL. I LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT. SOMEHOW HER HOUSE MAKES ME REALLY HAPPY. HAHA. anyways, had crazy fun today. it ended well. :)

not looking forward to v'day. i miss such days in pl. where everyone makes an effort to give something to everyone or at least the closer ones. a very girl thing. but now, such 'traditions' have stopped. now that i am in a co-ed school, things work differently. but i dont care, gonna revive that 'tradition' gonna get stuff for my friends. shit, im such a spendthrift. but it makes people happy, why not!

okie i need to copy 4D for my grandma. so filial. can't stand myself. haha.

someday you'll know. i hope.

2009-02-06T05:51:00.001-08:00

i finally understand why some people just love to run. i may not be fast, but i realised that running does make me feel better.

song that has been stuck in my head for days, broken strings. but listening io it just automatically brought tears to my eyes. i dont know why. i dont wanna know why. i dont wanna think why. just wiping it away and im done. :)

im gonna be a lonely child this weekend. my mummy is in langkawi. my bro ain't booking out this weekend. i wonder what will happen of me. if i can find the keys of the new house, i'll seek refuge there.

its hard to make anyone understand why im hurting so much. no intention to share. right now, im doing my best to put it all aside, it was over eons ago. it was something i had to do. i know it. im sorry. im so so sorry. the person i hurt will never read this. never, but at least i dedicate this portion to you. i loved you and i still do. fuck, it hurts so much. all this time ive been sweeping this matter under carpet, pretending it never happen but it did. i thought i wouldnt need you and i can handle the pain alone. but its too much for me to bear. too much. i dont deserve this. i should be happy now. friends who read this, dont make wild guesses and i will be fine. and please dont ask me anything concerning this post.

okie. happy thoughts. wait none. how suay can i be. srgce replacement trip is to ho chi minh and i cant go. cuz of national juniors. and my family is going to ho chi minh too. but my mummy decided not to go cuz we really got to tighten our belts this year. :( so things aren't exactly going the way i want them to. in fact, they are far from what i expected. my happiness is short-lived and temporary. but im not going to give up. ive come so bloody far to give up. i just going to give my best in everything i do. be it studies or canoeing. his ways are higher than mine. confident that he has BIG PLANS for me at the end of it.

nana, thanks for being so awesome as usual.

i tried to forgive but its not enough to make it all okie.

2009-02-05T07:14:00.000-08:00

im so not going to let being a house captain screw my studies. in a way, im happy im given such a responsibility. i wanna prove to myself that i can juggle everything. and IF i ever fail in anything i do, im glad that i tried and i perservered through and never gave it. ever since i entered jc, i admit i have neglected a few things. but in turn, i learnt alot. and these lessons are priceless and irreplaceable. sr, a place i never expected myself to end up in. i remember bus-ing pass srjc and teling myself, no matter what im not going to end up there. but fate has proved me wrong. and somehow i never regretted entering sr :)

AWESOME! my room is done. im just gonna leave it plain for now. i'll be moving in next week. whether the sofa is there or not. no tv the better, i can study. :) cant wait to move in. im thrilled by the thought that i can wake up slightly later. i can even walk to school. finally a place i can call home. smoke-free. :)

got lectured by ms lam. on the topic of eating. breakfast the most important meal, blah blah. iut entered through the left ear and came out of the right. haha. but i guess i have to start having my breakfast soon. her leture on getting fat and harder to lose weight scared the shit out of me. haha. anyway, ive got awesome friends and million hugs to them for showing so much concern and understanding. ive whined way too much and they let me whine. i annoy myself sometimes, making a mountain out of a molehill.

nothings right, im torn.

2009-02-03T06:59:00.000-08:00

i dont wanna go school tomorrow.

my friggin blisters are killing me. plasters do not work wonders. they just ease my pain. but it still hurts when i walk. i try my best to look as normal as possible when im walking. i have two blisters on my feet and two on my hands. one on each hand. it hurts just as much. restricted or rather, interferring in my every movement. damn!

had dinner with two gays. no, scratch that. watched the gays have their dinner. i didnt have the appetite to eat. i mean a slice of cake can be quite filling. :) but the glutton side of me soon emerged as reached home. started hunting for food and decided to settle for instant noodles. dont remind me of all the msg. god, imagine the amount of hair im going to lose. damn!

ive got essay qns 2 to complete, but all im thinking of now is my bed. im in dire need of sleep. i dont want to look like a panda the rest of my life. so its time that i do something about it other than getting allergic reactions to beauty products in which im forced to put. i have decided to sleep early. for once im going to believe all those health magazines. sleep early, blah blah. but i still cant eat breakfast. it feels weird eating so early in the morning.

screw being a ohl. dreading every minute of it. kuek was right. damn! whats worse is.. YAWN.

you be the prince and i'll be the princess.

2009-02-02T07:09:00.000-08:00

soon, this is a reply for you. as much as you will come back and all, but things will never be the same. but i'll definitely bug you to come back. AHHHHH! not looking forward to your departure. :(

that moment of security. i know none of you guys will read this, but really all of you were awesome. i felt like some popstar with 3 bodyguards. :) and why i need their protection is not for you kpoh people to know. so yeap.

got loads of work to do. and i keep procrastinating. i rather study in school than at home. its the worst place to even read what more study and complete essays. sigh. when am i moving in. then again im not looking forward to moving out of toa payoh. cuz i'll stop taking 153 to school and meet someone nice on the way to talk to. :( and toa payoh is so friggin convenien just 4/5 stops to town. not that i like going town. but then again singapore is so small where else can friends hang out and chill. moral of the whining, i love/hate toa payoh.

they say love's a lie.

2009-02-01T07:28:00.000-08:00

somethings puzzling me right now. questions just filling up my brain without me even have to think about it. its like a involuntary action. i really dont wanna think. so it ends here. sweet sms which made my night. thanks. :) its great to know that people care.

so yes, j1s coming in tomorrow and im not excited. im sure kuek is happy that im not overly excited about orientation. and im still upset that i dont have a group. i mean, what am i suppose to do?! roam around and do nothing, watch everyone having fun while i just watch and miss out on all the fun they are having. i wanna be part of the orienation and not just contribute to it. theres a difference you know. so much for being a ohl. my role ends here. reminding the ogls of stuffs and doing all the rubbish. but miss out on all the fun. damn!

lou hei-ed twice today. somehow, i really love this years lou hei. its way way tastier than last years. :) okie whatever. pictures of sat, the last part of it. :)

despite the recession and recent depression, new years been great.

i rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else

2009-02-01T01:53:00.000-08:00

congrats to sherlene soon on getting into mass comm. i'll miss you big time though. :(

happy 21st to zac, my cousin.

i decided not to go for lit lecture on sat. cuz i figured that i wont be paying attention anyway. so i went for cip! went there with shawn and marc. both idiots were so late. and they are guys! whatever. those tchoukballers were bigger than i expected them to be. but they are really nice and decent people. only one girl was there and that was melissa, my long lost twin. haha. same background and we both love green!! so awesome. and if i didnt hear anything wrongly, someone said that we both look alike form the back. not the front, definitely. she's the sporty pretty. haha. oh and she will be 21 this year and i immediatly thought of my bro. what a nice sister right. :) this time round dragonboating was more fun. cuz we had like tug-of-war. the last time we paddled was more to train for sdbf.

ended about 1-ish. so i decided to head home instead of going to my aunts place straight. manage to catch up on my sleep. bus-ed down to tampines and finally met my grandma after many many months. my heart aches when i see how slow she was walking and how much help she needs in getting around. as compared the grandma who used to nag at me to play my piano and finish my food. now she is all quiet and seriously forgetful. she keep forgetting that she gave me ang pao. she still think my brother is in secondary school. the horrible fact of old age. sigh. aunt jamie has also aged but she's a strong woman. her husband also screwed her life. what is it with men and commitment?! but anyway. my cousins are all grown up now. how time flies without my knowledge. i really must make it a point to spend time with my grandma.

so i left her place about 6-ish and headed to kovan. i hated what i was wearing by the way. and i hated my shoes. but i had to look presentable. i was so close to wearing shorts. haha. but a very pretty top. but still, its shorts. i know my limits so i wore a dress. haha. anyway, met up with ely and headed to fee's place. unsurprisingly we were the latest. muscle, vic, cs and xiying were already there. so the minute we stepped into the house we started camwhoring with vic dslr. had steamboat and i got really fascinated over 'the face'. friggin cute! and dinner time was such a torture cuz the entire table was bullying me. :( after dinner went to plat basketball in my so called dress. haha. but it was really fun!! had a awesome time. cs really amused me with his card tricks and he is wiling to teach but i had no time to learn. besides, it was too dark. so we were all as good as blind. haha all in all, my saturday was GREAT! :)

2009-01-30T04:23:00.000-08:00

in a lousy mood. so decided to skip dinner. cant bring myself to swallow anything down. my mind is clogged up with so many things. funy thing is, i honestly dont know what exactly im thinking about. mainly just studies. cuz thats my main worry now. anyways, k4 today was not too bad. but its so stressful to sit in front cuz it feels like the boat is not moving but i refrained from complaining. dont wanna demoralize the other girls. but overall, we improved. :) so-called surprised dud with a cake which attracted all the monkeys to our shed. i swear those monkeys are annoying. i wanna chase them away but on the other hand im afraid that they will pounce on me and scratch me or something like that. haha.

i wanted to mention something but it totally slipped my mind. :( but im looking forward to tomorrow though. :) girls, can we shower in the stadium toilet instead. its more spacious. haha. random.

2009-01-29T08:05:00.000-08:00

sigh. that person really change alot. cant believe i lost a friend just like that. :(

2009-01-28T04:49:00.000-08:00

my cousin is getting married soon. i think. but its not confirmed. it was then it occured to me that having confidence, faith and hell lots of trust in a relationship is really important. i mean marriage is suppose to last a lifetime. when you say, ' i love you forver', you really have to mean it and stick to it. you cant get mad or bored iwth your other half. its kinda scary. but to me, its really sweet and assuring to know that a guy will love me until the day either of us die and just all the other hair standing stuff that comes with love and relatonships. but then, reality strikes me that happily ever after doesnt last. it doesnt happen. its all a fairytale, a big fat joke that is not funny. perfect example, my parenst and although im only 17, i think i consider myself as a evidence of how reality is so horrid. i sound so pessimistic. :( im sure kuek will say that there is this REALLY REALLY REALLY nice guy out there. haha. honestly, i think he is a little gay. always praising that person and blabbering about how nice he is. haha. see, shawn kuek zhen wei, i dare to say your name. :) and omg shawn liu another idiot, dom, dont support him leh. talk rubbish. what one month thing! WTH!! sherlene soon will chop my head off and sit on it. and there goes my head. haha.

puppy face, thanks for being so nice and reading all my emo rubbish. you suck at chem but its okie. you're still nice :) OH! TALKING ABOUT CHEM, GROUND BREAKING NEWS!! I GOT A FRIGGIN 'E' FOR MY STUPID CHEMISTRY TEST!! okie maybe its like whats the big deal man. but you have no idea how much i suck at chem. getting an E is like getting a A. its not a S but a E you know. so happy. even puppy face and dawn got U. but credits goes to victor's friend. whoever that was. :) back to my emo period today. thanks to KUEK, ELY and PUPPY FACE for listening to my rants. i promise that its just today. i had enough of all that rubbish to when im not even cared about or bothered. damn it! whatever lah, huh.

exhausted already. i feel so old. i feels so broke. no, wait, i am broke. :(

now that its all said and done, i cant believe you weren't the one.

2009-01-27T09:00:00.000-08:00

okie. gonna rush this post. fingers damn itchy so, yeap! went to pak ong's place today. his house is HUGE. i swear it is. he took up two landed property space plus he has another house right opposite the one he is currently staying in. and another condo in which he rented out. really awesome. the only person i socialised with since the entire house were strangers. none which i knew. so i only talked to edmund and my bro. edmund is damn nice, no rich man aura. very humble. :) naturally, the ang bao also very generous. that one single ang bao is more than what i received yesterday. haha. so yes im a happy kid. the strangers there all very generous. haha. :)

stayed there for hours. was playing wii and stoning around. oh yah! the lion dance was awesome but i keep hiding behind my bro and edmund cuz ever since young i am kinda scared of the so-called lion. compared to our school one which is totally cmi, this one is fanatstic, cuz they actually brought in all those stunt poles and what not. so cool. :) anyway, i nearly slept on the couch cuz i was really exhausted. my kanchiong spider father make my bro and i up so early. trained home and the minute i open the gate, i sat down to play blackjack. suay like backside!! keep losing. i lost like $%*()!@. the amount is secret, but damn i had to open my ang bao, so obviously i lost my capital. haha. anyway, had great fun. the we got bored of blackjack and poker. so we played in-between, camp, munchkin and 5-star loser. wah, damn fun! next time wanna play games with poker cards find me. i still know alot more thanks to my cool cousins. poker and blakjack, old school lah! but you can never imagine how lucky i was in mahjong. i played one round for my grandma. with the other adults cuz she wanted to pee and i was losing too badly for the card games. i had mun hu, or something like that. in other words, i had mm fan, which also means a win 5 times more. so cool right. but that game didnt count it was all in the name of fun. okie so that sums up my new year.

gambling only happens this time of the year. which is good. :) and im kinda upset over something.

if only you knew whats going on.

2009-01-26T08:07:00.000-08:00

today started well. hard to explain whatever happened but im happy this new year. managed to remember samuel's name. was really glad joel joined us. emily can fit in quite perfectly. all was well until my family members started asking for him. jokingly refuse to give me ang bao and my cousins all asking me for one. haha. and bloodly hell. im so suay today. won poker yesterday, lost like shit in blackjack today. :( my youngest cousin won $40 plus. angry angry. but i only like lost a dollar and i didnt touch the ang bao's i received. im having a horrible headache now. i really gotta thak my older cousins for being so awesome. im really proud of one thing, i didnt drink one bit this new year. it was just water and sips of coke. cuz water took some time to boil. so yea. you have no idea how crowded my tiny grandma's house was today. its like a can of sardines man! no space to walk around. gotta stand still. so yeap, imagine the ang bao i received today. but recession so i guess its all pretty little. i got one empty one. so suay. wondering why i got the time to write all these rubbish. i got a house to clean up. :( damn, i hate it when im missing people. makes me feel so lost and uneasy. i miss drus. like real bad. :(

2009-01-24T00:37:00.001-08:00

i think my brother is awesome. we are pretty identical. i guess thats why we are siblings for a reason. :) anyways, i think there is something wrong with me today. i was late for training in the morning and afternoon. damn. really bad habit. no comments on training today. just that im really hungry cuz i didnt. thinking that i would have lunch at home but no.so i starved and left for training in the afternoon. and till now i have not eaten. cuz my mum is telling me not to. cuz dinner will be ready soon. make sense but im STARVING! :(

i need new year clothes, like badly. otherwise i can just resort to wearing my everyday clothes. which is so fulgy and boring. this is something i hate yet love about new year. hate because i have to spend time and money looking for something suitable. love because i have an excuse to buy new and pretty clothes.

and i really have to thank a few kind souls for being so awesome yesterday. i was in a foul mood yesterday so i decided to give training a miss. im sorry girls. firstly, nana, the awesomest girl who let me rattle on for hours without complaining. awww so sweet. i love you dearest. secondly, you-know-who-you-are, not so much of rattling but actually making me happy. all the gossips and all. haha. love you too. thirdly, cheryl, i miss you so badly. it was great sleeping on your bed. haha. :) so yes. it definitely made my day. :)

random: its been ages since i last ate in macdonalds. and amazingly, im not craving for it or anything like i used to. the habits of a person can seriously rub off you. haha. like how now i like milk tea, i never really use to like it. thanks to my mother. so im the one who needs to exercise control now. haha. and its funny how someone im not exactly close to knows my way of doing things. so yes, im not and cannot get high or look forward to orientation. cuz you and i know what will happen. haha. :)

gastric. dinner. please. now.

we're all in this together. (belle's song of the day, soons favourite song, haa!)

2009-01-22T07:41:00.000-08:00

MR YONG IS THE BOMB! im going for sundown afterall. AWESOME!

random: videos make awesome memories. :) - 3 cheers for the human who invented video cams and those who improved on it. haa.

2009-01-22T07:13:00.000-08:00

thank god for victor. otherwise doing the cheers alone is enough to kill. im pretty sure none of my ogls will contribute. we are all busy people. so thinking of new cheers is probably the last thing on everyones mind. so i just cross my fingers and hope that everybody is alright with the cheer ive picked. haa. i'll try cuz i suck big time at cheers.

its bad luck to owe people money after new year. otherwise i will continuing owing people money the rest of the year. if this superstition is true, i'll officially declare myself bankrupt now. im broke beyond broke. i thought i was managing finaces pretty well. but hell no. i refuse to ask my mum for money for school stuff cuz i feel bad. with the house matters driving her up the wall, the last thing i wanna do is provoke her. so yeap, everything comes out from my own pocket. so im running dry now. poor pocket has a hole and i dont even know. haha. damn 2009 lah. so many things to pay and its only january. i dont want to imagine the rest of the year. so much for it being a year to be cherished. talking about that, screw my gp teacher. ANGRY!

talking about angry! omg im friggin pissed. i cant run sundown. i want to but i cant. DAMN IT! you know why! cuz im bloody hell not 18. only a few more months away! why cant people look at the year! pissed pissed pissed. make things worst. stupid nana (im gonna call you nana) and jaymond laugh at me. when i dont think is funny lor. this year sucks big time. sigh.

alot to settle. if only we all had 30 hours a day. people always say 48 hours a day. but i think that is too long. so 30 is just nice. haha. :) this really random. i love nana from the bottom of my heart. she is like the best of the best. i dont know why im praising you althought you keep saying im a bimbo. if i really am, my "bimbo" vibes have rubbed off you. cuz you are becoming bimbotic too. haha. birds of the same feathers flock together. whatever, i love you lah.

oh about my adam and eve cold joke. the answer is: cuz adam and eve will eat the snake instead of the fruit. which is true. haha. i mean chine people eat monkey brains, fresh. of all things monkey brains. i got over the crickets, lizards and what not. but fresh, bloody monkey brain. that is something i will never try. okie, if bill gates accept me as his god-daughter than maybe i will take one small bite. so small that i cant even taste it. i mean imagine my red packet would be like millions. haha. dream on! the things i would do for money. SHIT! i dont wanna be materialistic. i just wanna be financilly stable and not be in debt. i dont want prada, gucci or whatever. im fine with cheap shit. but i need to pay off my debtors. heng they dont charge interest. otherwise i would have gone to hide in some ulu pandan part of malaysia already. okie, i was kidding about that.

okie, i digressed from my work like too much. FOCUS!

lastly, i dont like my CT! BOOOOOOOOOO!

2009-01-21T04:57:00.001-08:00

i felt kinda shitty when belle said that out of the 5 girls only soon and i never win anything. but i guess that motivated me to push myself harder. but the harder i push myself, the more i feel like giving up. i dont feel myself improving. i guess its suppose to be this way :( i admit i was really upset about the k4 thingy, but now that i think of it, the best 4 deserve to be on that boat. and no matter what, i'll be supporting the girls all the way. cuz you girls mean the world to me. and im sure we will all do the team proud in all of our events. i dont feel i was on-form today. ws not in the right mood to paddle. capsizing in that ultra stable boat is nothing to proud or happy about. sigh. at this rate, i will start to look older than i already am. :(

those who know me will know that i tend to think ALOT. althoug it may seem like im not but i am. and i dont what to. thinking too much just kills too much of my brain cells which is pretty non-existent. somehow, i dont feel like schooling anymore. im no emo-ing. im just so not motivated. AT ALL! im exhausted, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually and whatever -ly there is left. funnily, im looking forward to orientation. cuz i really love the ogls. they are like awesome. but sometimes i feel damn left out. cuz im close to nobody. so i feel like some friggin extra. which i am. haa! anyway, im just in a very sian mode. VERY VERY SIAN.i swear i dont know why.

the world wouldnt be what it is today if adam and eve were chinese. why? HAHAHA.

2009-01-18T06:43:00.000-08:00

2009-01-18T06:26:00.001-08:00

suppose to be studying. suppose to be packing. but my mind is not focused. on anything. i need to scream. i need to cry. i need to let everything out. bottling everything up suffocates me. i cant breathe, not literally. things at home have gone wrong. i didnt do anything to deserve this. i tried to help and be understanding but instead. anything that goes wrong, i take the blame for it. i miss my brother like crazy. in times like these, he gives me a reason to laugh, to smile. ever since that dreadful day, i cannot rely on anyone else. cuz they are not close enough. why must everything be taken away from me just like that. whatever im feeling is hard to put it all down into words. cuz nobody can ever understand the hurt im going through. it saddens me even more cuz you dont give a fuk about me anymore. im done with trying. try so hard for what. i really hate myself for feeling this way. it takes a major concussion for me to forget all that has happened the past year. to hell with these feelings.

studies, family, friends, canoeing, **. i know everyone is going through about the same thing as me. but i guess im not one who can handle my emotions very well. especially if im alone. im able to put up a strong front when with my friends and all. but i'll just succumb to my tear glands when night falls and when im all alone. gosh, i sound like some emo freak. i want sarah now. i want drusilla now. i want ** now!!!!

give me back those happy days.

im not feeling okie.

2009-01-17T04:53:00.000-08:00

honestly. im both happy and sad. not bothering to explain why for either.

im really proud of my ogls. like really proud. im shocked by such a fantastic group of whacky people. i wonder why two skinny guys worry bout getting fat after dinner. i guess its natural to feel full after dinner. but it amuses me how they dicuss about losing weight in the midst of dinner. im not mentioning names. :) and excuse me. the small card you guys wrote me was so not nice. i demand another one. damn it lah. the entire card was filled with the word bimbo. dont let the other ohls mislead you! but i think flexibly and handle my impulsivity. so i forgive you people. :) looking forward to orientation. draco will own. :)

im pretty exhausted. a long day for me tomorrow. training in the morning. shopping for a bed frame and unpacking my stuff in the new house tomorrow and packing my stuff at toa payoh tomorrow and studying for tests, all to be done TOMORROW! brain is on the verge of exploding. too many things to handle. but i wont be like the aunty at the coffeeshop outside school. pms-ing. im sure i can handle everything in a mature and calm manner. not gonna panic this year, hope not.

lit heritage walk was awesomer than i thought.

off to study econs now.

sigh.

2009-01-14T09:05:00.000-08:00

believe it or not, i got carried away doing my work. first time in like never. good start, i guess. i hope i can maintain it this way, or even better. since i was doing my history online, blogger became a stopover. :)

checked my mail and SOON, i got the milo mail too. IM SO GONNA GO FOR THE LOSER TRYATHLON!! haha. sounds like fun, besides, i guess it can serve as a form of distress. xuan cant swim. i found that really amusing. she seems like a know-it-all, but apparantly not. anyway, xuan the weirdo, if you happen to see this you still owe me ice cream thanks. :) training today was awesome. i love doing k2 with SOON. and nope she is not a dead or extra weight. she is strong. when im about to slack i can seriously feel her pull and kicks. so i'd think twice about slcackng and i'll pull hard too. but today is awesome although that kuku bird refused to save us. so much for being a captain. haha. and it was fantabulous that your friends heard me. :)

school. has. been. a. real. bore. i have friends but deep down inside i feel lonely. i miss elle and fee no matter how bimbotic and bitchy we can get and i know we are well known for that. but they really make my day and i miss them. like real bad. i miss holidays where almost everyday i get to see the team. now that trainings are not everyday, i feel really weird. and im dreading land trainings. but yes, i'll still be doing my 100-100. sigh. even ying realises im alone. :( and i swear, i hate being alone. which is why i hate chem. even though i know puppy face and yuan. we dont talk. the only think puppy face says is, 'kachang'. which is what she calls me. end of convo. haha. but whatever lah. i'll just ask yy for help. you'll help me right. cuz chem is like my worst subject. thanks yy, in advance!

everything i do, i do and did it for you.

2009-01-12T02:55:00.000-08:00

its been a really long time since i actually explored online. and i realised i missed out on alot. the computer and internet and stuffs just dont interest me that much anymore. and school has started anyway. before i start on my first day of school, let me rattle about scm.

SCM WAS AWESOME! paddling with soon is so fun and i mean it. haha. scm seemed less tiring than round ubin though. the first round was shockingly good. we survived the the starts which was horrid cuz all the kan chiong spiders all wanna be first. be we made it through it and did a really good first round, plus the sugar rush and all. we were pretty high the first 2-3 rounds. all thanks to kit-kat. :) subsequently and not surprisingly, we got really shagged since the word 'tired' was forbidden. we stopped singing and chatting but it suddenly started again, and that definitely kept me going. keeping quiet would have killed me. portaging, dont mention it. all deming's fault. talking bout deming. i really want the pictures. but im lazy to find him on facebook. im like a dead facebook user. so scm was AWESOME! and SHERLENE SOON I LURB EUUUUXZXZXZ TOOXZXZXSXZ! (i tried to be like you, but i think i failed miserably)

first day of school was boring. i was late cuz i woke up early and dilly dally. taking my own sweet time to get ready, thinking i gave all the time in the world. in the end, i missed the 7 am bus and was late for school. plus the horrid traffic. i reached school like around 735. haha. and i think mk had nothing better to check so he said that my socks was too low. -.- seriously! oh, the new rules of the school are really dumb lah. the early bird crap and all. if i ever kenna that im dead. for 2 bloody weeks must report at 7 AM. confirm plus chop sure late for one of those days. i will really miss the old rules. anyway. rules are meant to be broken. :) slept while the principal was talking. i never really slept whenever a teacher was talking before. i mean never in a deep sleep. but omg today, i really slept! i slept when he started talking and when i woke up he was done talking. it is not a good sign. went for ct period, wtf, im treasurer again. yew asked if i had any violent objections, but i would feel bad if i said yes, so i said anything. i hate collecting money!! :( im not born a loanshark. come to think of it, my class doesnt even have a ct rep yet. so kuku, decide on the treasurer before the ct rep. and i was made to do collection on the first day already. had agm today after everything, really happy for val cuz i felt that she deserves it. :) had late lunch early dinner with the team. super noisy. its like everyone is talking at the same time and about different things. so confusing. so i'll half listen to sherlene, jq and val. then i'll half listen to belle and whoever is on the other side. i felt bad cuz i didnt finish my food but it really was pretty horrid. im not a person who waste food unless i really dont like it. okie, and maybe when im really too full. haha. thanks for the treat belle, although we were all late on sunday. haha.

i dont wanna start packing. i wanna employ a packer. who is up for the job?

2009-01-10T13:33:00.000-08:00

its really early in the morning. woke up earlier than expected. now i know that at least i wont be late. leaving for kallang real soon. saw the lappy on so decided to say some stuff. been grouchy very lately. i dont know why. perhaps is the stress knowng that school is going to reopen and that i have to move house really soon, which means i must pack all my stuff here in toa payoh. and i have to do some really last minute chionging. to get my homework done. im guessing that i'll be too tired to do anything today though which means shit i cant get work done. but even though im really busy and all. im stupid brain keep thinking of redundant stuff every now and then which makes me feel really whiny. i hardly share to anyone. but i guess random few would know the true reason why.

and yy. if you have not mia-ed yet. -fingers crossed- know that i'll always be here. when everyone else is busy. i may not be the first person you contact but its okie. matters of the heart are the worst to deal with. i should know that. cheer up. i love you, i really do. (you do know im not les)

2009-01-08T05:33:00.000-08:00

one word, exhausted. i really am. so im not going to blabber bout my week except that today is the day that my body gave up the fight. was down with fever and a really bad sore throat.

oh sean kor came today! really happy that he did. andre is so much bigger now, so handsome. haha. and laurel is friggin cute. she is only 9 months. andre is 4 years old. :) babies, so adorable.

regina chai im no bimbo and you know that.

if i only i could forget.

2009-01-02T07:43:00.000-08:00

i gave training a miss today because of my puffy/swollen eyes. it was so bad. i swear it was. but i realise that i shouldnt have. i'll be missing training tomorrow and monday. i dont know when my extra lessons start! damn i need to get down to work. so far, i have yet to complete anything. although i started on gp homework already and one chem question. haha. im so so screwed. so much for working hard. i should dedicate a day for homework. i really want my laziness to go away. i really do. i need to get my ass working and stop procrastinating!

anyway, i left the house wearing my shades today although it wasnt so sunny cuz of my damned puffy eyes. suppose to get the present for the used-to-be nice person. but instead i surrrendered my money. cuz someone had a change of mind! so i made a wasted trip to town. well, but it was better than being trapped in a tiny house of cigarette smoke and non-stop chattering. my grandma just came home so she is receiving like endless calls from god knows who. so to every phone call she says the same thing. about australia being cvery cold and blah blah blah. so in a way, im glad i left the house for a breather.

i cant wait to move in to my new house. my wardrobe is up. my awesome slackers corner in the living room is up. im just so friggin excited bout moving in. cuz this tiny house in toa payoh is driving me nuts. the only thing i would miss is, my grandma's awesome cooking and the convenience of this place. other than that. i cant wait to move out. and invite everyone to housewarming. :) having a f*ing headache. i really wish my grandma is not a smoker. im pretty sure i will die like really early if this carries on.

im pretty excited bout tomorrow. haha. no doubt i have to wake up like extremely early cuz we are meeting at pasir ris. i wonder how things are gonna turn out. i hope i bump into someone on my way there cuz i dont really know which bicycle kiosk they are talking about. and i want school to reopen soon. cuz the longer the holidays the more i spend. im ready and all set for a mundane life. im ready to study cuz im reminded of the reason why im in jc. :)

and yy, its not funny okie. i wasted one complimentary dessert. so not funny. see lah, all your fault!!

randomly, i really loved how i spent my final hours of 2008 and the first few hours of 2009. and i bet someone did too, thats how he got his curfew. anyway, really loved the company that night. supper was different. not the usual prata. we actually travelled somewhere and i thank god for someone so awesome like cheryl's dad. haha. i realy think he is a angel but he just forgot where he left his wings and halo for too long. it was so late and he actually fetched me home. everybody say, AWWWWWWW! and janice ying, suddenly i miss you and it occured to me we have known each other for a long time and im not gonna let this friendship go down the drain. :)

im in a awful mood now cuz i miss alot of people suddenly.

2009-01-01T06:29:00.000-08:00

this is really random. chanced upon stacia's blog and im really happy for her and andy. yes the post did give me the goosebumps but it was indeed really sweet. im sure one day i'll find a man whom i can rely on, give me hugs that will last a lifetime, pray for me, worry for me and be protective over me, never get bored talking to him, go googoogaagaa over his smile. and that song is nice. :) well, im leaving in the hands of my maker. cuz he has already chosen the one for me and i have nothing to fret about. im done making decisions on my own. cuz it has all led to disappointments and regrets. i want to be happy and i deserve to be happy. im not throwing away the memories. but im learning from them. 2008, only two people know what ive been through exactly, you and my father in heaven. its been a roller coaster ride. and i never wanna go back again. never. too painful. ive moved on, although thoughts of it still randomly run through my mind. but through my setbacks, im stronger. i really am. not to boast but im really amazed with myself and how i handle everything. i cried, no doubt. but it was through my father in heaven that i am able to stand here to today, a happier person. i owe him the biggest thank you and its great to have you back in my life. it was my biggest mistake and regret to kick you out of my life in 2008. but despite my childish ways, he never left me alone. never once. he blessed me with friends who believed in me.

thats why this new year is really important for me. to start afresh. :)

on another random note. im pretty excited to see how cheryl survives this year. i really do. abstaining from chocolate is not easy. when the craving sets in, cheryl you are in deep shit. haha. talking bout chocolates, my grandma just came back from australia which im really determined to go this year. i dont care with who. i just wann go cuz it sounds damn fun. okie, ive been to australia before but that was all in the past. i want to experience it all over again. anyway, back to chocolates, my grandma bought hell lots of chocolate. i got so fascinated that i layed them all out and took a picture and when i kept it all back. my grandma had somemore goodies. haha. its really alot. so if im feeling generous i can give everyone something. but oh too bad cheryl's not getting any. haha. the chocolates my grandma bought can actually be bought in singapore. but being a typical old lady, she bought one of every flavour even the ordinary milk chocolate just because it was cheap. like dirt cheap. it is only, prepare yourself, FRIGGING SGD$2!!! yes, you saw it right. haha. cheap like shit. and thats just off the shelf. when my grandma got to cadbury factory she bought evem more. cuz they were selling the rejects, i never knew they do. but there really cool flavours. like this liquoer one that i really love and breakaway which is like kit kat but even more awesome. haha. so my dinner was practically chocolate cuz there was really alot. so cheryl, how you feeling? haha! so friends, if you see me putting on weight with more pimples on my face, dont comment.

my right eye is a little swollen. hurts like hell and i look like a freak. :( what a way to start the new year!!

2009-01-01T00:34:00.000-08:00

stayover was GRREAT! i never really stayed over before. so noob. but yeah. i hardly get to stay over cuz my mummy is pretty strict bout that. the teacher who taught us the ultimate seduction, ms guo, came over when everyone else left. haha. but we had our own fun. i couldnt sleep on soon's bed. cuz its not my own. so not very used to it. i keep tossing and turning. then i think yy said something. haha. so when morning came, i didnt want to go training. i wanted to sleep cuz the bed was all mine already. haha. but in the end i went and soon didnt. stupid pig!! paddled like shit that morning. oh did i mention that i slept with my contacts that night cuz i forgot to bring my glasses and was kinda lazy to take it out. so my eyes were friggin dry in the morning or rather throughout the day. cuz technically i wore my contatcs without removing it for two straight. some things never change. haa. anyway after training went home and shower and meet nice person, again. got my dickies and a shirt form nice person. thanks nice person! youre awesome. i know im sorry i forgot to withdraw money for your gift. soon okie soon. :) i was starving to headed to nydc and eat and i thought i could use my voucher cuz it was a wednesday. BUT NO! I DIDNT GET MY FREE DESSERT CUZ ITS THE EVE OF PUBLIC HOLIDAY AND IT WAS THE LAST DAY ALREADY!!! wanted to shoot myself man. continued walking around till my legs turn jelly. thats why i hate town. all you do is walk. damn it. anyways, i had to decide where to go after that. it was either. meet zac and dori at town, meet ely and somebody in town, or go cheryls house and slack. so i went cheryl's house to slack. haha. i was too lazy to roam the streets.

cheryl i love/hate your dog. i hate it when i just enter your house and she's all over me. i love it when she sits quietly. haha. anyway. headed for watchnight and it was AWESOME! so glad i went.

how time flies. 2008 was a year full of ups and downs. happy and sad moments. whether it was good or bad, i had the time of my life. with all my loved ones. i wont go thanking everyone individually. but as a whole, i wanna thank the k5+belle, played a really important role in my life. church mates, who always stood by me. ely/fee/sarah, i dont know how to clasify you guys, but you made jc awesome. my family, who wont be reading this but i thought they should be mentioned. and lastly, honghui, forged memories that will never be forgotten.

so 2009 would be a great and crazy year. omg, my new house! cnat wait. what a fantastic way to start the new year. WHEEEEEE!!! im happy. :)

2008-12-29T19:31:00.000-08:00

on the day i went back to school to do the filming. i went to my locker. and obviously the first thing i saw was, that. i took it out, opened 4 of them and cried like a baby. brought the rest home and opened them last night. i wet my pillow. although it definitely brought tears, i smiled at most of it. thank you, i love you. :)

right now, im doing okie. not fantastic but okie. not looking forward to the new year. but i know there is no escape. i have to face a levels. i have to face nationals. and im tired of doing just borderline. so, im gonna try my best. and i gotta find a motivation. because currently, im just living each day just because i have to. im not looking forward to anything. at all.

im extremely tired recently. getting the stuff for the house is a huge hassle and it tires me out. i dont have to do it actually but i feel that i should. cuz its my house and i want to be there for my mum cuz she is much more stressed out than i am. seeing her so tired and unwell just pains my heart. i so want her to rest but she cant cuz theres really alot to do. plus, the both of us are extremely picky. so we rather travel around and hunt for the best deals. i hate the fact that everything revolves around money. anyway, that alone tires me out. i usually self medicate but i went to the doctors yesterday. spent 50 bucks. dont ask me why. sigh. i think the medication is made of gold. big headache but still looking forward to tonight.

i dont wanna grow up.

2008-12-28T07:33:00.000-08:00

damn friggin tired. sleeping in a few seconds. but i just need to whine because.

1. i dont know what the hell to do with my room.

2. i gave up my queen size bed.

3. i hate shopping for stuff for the house. BIG HEADACHE!

4. the number of ogl's from draco is PATHETIC! i swear.

5. draco leaders never fill in their cca, cca days and time. other house leaders did. makes my job SO MUCH EASIER!

6. im in dire need of sleep.

2008-12-27T07:57:00.000-08:00

dont you dare laugh!

fugly toddler.

we dont look alike. i love him still.

thats all. for now. anyways. my day today was so rushed! training was at 7 AM. i woke up at 7 AM. i rushed like a mad dog. and only managed to paddle 6 km cuz i had to rush back to school for filming. and sorry to say, it was a total waste of time. jaymond was extremely late due to his check up. the whole filming was only done like many hours after the meeting time which was 10 AM. anyways, muscle found himself a new girlfriend, the auntie who serves the chicken rice outside school. totally flirting with him. hafiz, regina, jaymond and i can be eye witnesses. haha. not bad not bad. so had our intro scene done. i was controlling my laughter cuz my stupid lighter couldnt light up on the first try. wait, am i suppose to share this? anyway, a note to all those people who were present at the filming, IM BLOODY HELL NOT A BIMBO! after everything, i headed to fee's house to shower cuz i stank. then headed down to church. cheryl was adorable dancing that dance. great attempt to seduce girl. haha. overall, i felt that the past performances were much better. but still, good job. especially to joanne. great courage to throw your face like that. haha. i mean the singing. haha. had great thai food after everything and headed to zachs place. watched step brothers. omg, that show leaves me speechless. haha. its M18. rented it from our usual rental shop. so they are totally heck with the ratings. haha. well not totally. anyway, had a horrid time playing blackmail. really painful game. so that sums up my day. anyway, i dont thing you will be reading this, but zach, thanks a MILLION!

did i mention that zach is gonna have a bbq on monday. the reason is better left unknown, but i'll say anyway. he's gonna put on braces the next day. haha. some sort of celebration and his last day of eating satay and what not. so yes, thats way we are having a bbq. the next day would be sleepover. and shit! i need to sms everyone again! cuz only bing ge and xiong ge replied. haa. im expecting great fun on tues. xmas presents for everyone are finally here!! technically just the girls. but whatever :)

cant wait to shift into my new house. i cant wait to shift out of this hell hole.

the pain resurfaced. hurts like hell. but what do you know.

2008-12-25T08:13:00.000-08:00

i didnt want to go for my aunts party today. mainly cuz it was my dad's side of the family and im not exactly very close to them.so to avoid the awkwardness, i avoided the entire party. but my aunts sweet, she still got me a present. :) so i stayed home and watched tv the entire day. exciting christmas huh. helped myself to the 'drinks' in the cupboard. mummy gave the green light anyway. so finished up whatever was left in absolut raspberri, which is not alot, seriously. it tasted horrible. like cough medicine. yuck yuck yuck. then i spotted my al time favourite baileys!! there was no more caramel but mint chocolate was fine. drank 2 cups cuz you see those stuffs are not ours. haha. so i had to stop. still clear headed, i finished up absolut citrous. haha. i mean its just the two of us and its christmas. so yea whatever. ches came by and the three of us had christmas together. weird or what. but we had fun. talking bout santa claus. and how nice it would be if we are in australia now. :( i was still hungry after dinner, so i ate, non-stop. and even after everything was wiped out, ches and i were still hungry, so we settled for the last resort, macdonalds. afterall its the only 24 hour food outlet. anyways, its been eons since i had macdonalds. so yeap, we swallowed hell lots of calories. but rest assured, im training tomorrow. :)

I REALLY WANNA GO FOR DINNER WITH MY JUNIORS TOMORROW BUT I HAVE AANOTHER DINNER AT SOME COUNTRY CLUB WITH MY FATHER. I HATE MAKING DECISIONS! looking forward to saturday. presents have not arrived. :(

all i wanted was for her to be happy. i cant help but to feel that you are still not. so just tell me what to do. cuz im sick and tired of trying to please you. so hard to make you smile. just relax and be happy and dont think too much about your troubles. about money. about the house. about anything. just chill. cuz you being this way irrates me. so please.

2008-12-24T10:19:00.000-08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

its 2:22 am! and i just got home. 3 fat guys and 2 girls squeezed into a 900cc car. im really happy this christmas. although it will be just my mum and i this christmas and we'll be having the simplest dinner ever, im still really happy. cuz i realised how important family and friends are. and who are my true friends and who are not. but whether of not, i still love each and everyone i know. be it a bitch, bastard, jackass, jerk, nerd, freak, whatever. i love you. :)

had the best party every tonight. a super chickeny dinner. lots of videos were taken. which i strongly forbid them to be uploaded. STRONGLY FORBID!! guys please dont act smart and upload it. the one on cheryl can upload and share the joy. haha. i got lost on the way to dori's place. i mean its seriously so hard to find. i bus-ed there but overshoot like crazy. so in the end just cab to her house. but the cab driver didnt even know such place existed. haha. and my loafers got wet because i walked aimlessly in the rain before getting into the cab! my expensive loafers. haha. now that they are still really white, its really pretty. haa. didnt camwhore much but it didnt matter. cuz i dont usually camwhore during parties. somehow. anyways, we chillaxed at the rooftop and ate ice cream. which completed my day because i had my bailey's. i simply love bailey's. best thing ever. oh and no one ate the log cake except jan, lu and i. wasted. the rest of the day was insane but definitely memorable. :)

oh and i remember on the day i was out with the nice person, i saw this really little girl writing her wish on those big white beach balls. the usual stuff. and she wrote, 'happy birthday jesus. i wish..' i walked away too fast to catch what she was going to write. but its so sweet! the innocent things that run through a childs mind. and yes, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS! YOU HAVE BEEN AWESOME THIS YEAR. and always will be. :)

i remember i have something on friday but i cant seem to put my finger on it. JUST WHAT THE HELL IS IT!

im tired.

2008-12-23T06:10:00.000-08:00

I BOUGHT A PAIR OF LOAFERS FOR FRIGGIN 10 BUCKS! DAMN BLOODY PROUD OF MYSELF! soon dont be jealous. your day will come.

anyway, im in a good mood today. went xmas shopping today with a nice person. lunch and dinner and starbucks was on the house. haha. thanks lah! anyway. we first headed to bugis, which is where i bought my loafers. happiest buy of the day. too croweded so we bused to city hall area. went to peninsula then headed to the mall which has robinsons. saw what i wanted to get for the guys already. but didnt buy it in the end. haha. oh, and i saw gj. she looks different. anyway, we bused to plaza sing after wondering around. carrefour didnt have what i was looking for. so we walked to og and bought what i wanted to buy. and someone was so amazed with those guns. it amused me how it made you so happy and made you so crazy over it. its just a gun that cost a bomb. anyway, after everything i had a bad encounter with the pervert at the chicken rice stall. stupid bastard. seriously, all i asked was for my chicken to be breast meat and they all got so high and started staring at my boobs which are already pretty non existent. even the nice person i shopped with called him a f*er. haha. but nice person got distracted at the thought of the gun not long later. which i totally didnt bother cuz i was too hungry to care. haha. overall, GREAT DAY!

party tomorrow and im gonna cook my all time favourite. cheryl likes it too okie. and its 100% edible. its a recipe whipped up by my mum. she and her whacky recipes. but shockingly i fell in love with it the very first time she made it. i never liked her chilli flakes but people love them. oh wells. if only i am as great a cook as my mum. on a random note, a woman's life is DEFINITELY NOT worthless. dont listen to the stupid tv show.

ever since my win yesterday, im very into pool now. i was looking forward to thrashing nice person today. but we were both broke at the end of the day. :( pool is so fun, especially when im winning. and recently, lady luck has been shining on me. so yippie! xmas isnt so bad after all. im looking forward to spending it with my family though. although most of them are on holidays. grandma and my third aunt and uncle are in australia. first aunt and uncle are in chiangmai. omg when they told me i got so upset you know. reminded me that my trip got cancelled! that principal of ours better fulfil his promises otherwise, i'll kill him! so left with my second aunt and uncle, which im much closer to. i doubt my family members are gonna give me presents. but its okie. cuz the food would be to die for! :)

on a even happier note, i cant wait for the 30th and i want every single one of you to turn up.

my mum still treats me like a 7 year old. i love you mummy.

2008-12-22T00:50:00.001-08:00

tired like dog. thank god we didnt run today. when belle said those words. my face lit up. so happy. im not only one. yy too! and yy is damn mean. keep laughing at her own husband's moustache.

anyway, despite my tiredness, i was being a filial daughter and bus-ed all the way to hougang just to pay for some shit at town council. when i could have just gone home and i would be sleeping by now. anyway, met up with some friends and decided to play pool. i owned al of them flat flat!! so tired still so pro. cant help it lah. anyway, decided to head straight home cuz i was really shagged. and oh, i bumped into someone today. have not seen him in a long time and seeing him at that split second caused me to be, well speechless. was waving like a idiot but was ignored. but its okie. glad all is well for him. :)

DEL IS COMING BACK TOMORROW!! I HOPE!

should i go for scm? i want to though. belle just make it compulsory lah. so i dont have to think and just go. anyway, no intention of telling my mummy, otherwise sure cannot go.

life is like a donut

denise02/07/1991

denise
02/07/1991